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I think I'm back in the closet? Help

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by LittleMonster69, Dec 11, 2015.

  1. LittleMonster69

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    So, a few months ago I came out to my parents. And they were kinda ok with it (even though my mom cried). But then, the following days they started telling me about how it is unnatural, and how anal sex is disgusting, that I won't be able to have children, that I'm just confused because I'm just a teenager and you know, the stuff they always say.

    I was so nervous and my dad started crying (which surprised me a lot, because he's a very tough man) and asked me (kinda begged me) to date a few girls because I'm making the biggest mistake of my life by choosing this lifestyle. And me, being the stupid fuck that I am, I said yes. And now they pretend like I never came out, and they even ask me about girls and stuff like that.

    The thing is, I really want to come out, but I don't know how, and certainly I don't want to go through the same bullshit, I found it exhausting. So, please help?

    Thanks in advance! (*hug*)

    PS: Sorry if I made a few mistakes, english is not my first language.
     
    #1 LittleMonster69, Dec 11, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2015
  2. NamingIsHard

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    You'll have to talk to them. You need to realize that there is no solution that wouldn't require you to talk about it. If you're having trouble explaining to them that you can still raise a perfectly healthy family with another man, there are many LGBT centers that can give support for family members.
     
  3. HollyK

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    When I was 16 I told my mom I was bisexual (I had never heard the term pansexual) and from what I can tell I had a fairly similar situation. She just told me that it's a phase, I'm too young to know that, maybe if you dated more guys you would realize....etc. I had expected her to take it well so I just kinda coiled back and hid my sexuality from them. I thought it might've just been the safest thing for my mental health. Two years later and I'm a year into a relationship with a girl and my parents still don't know about it. I finally told them and I still get the sense that my mom is waiting for me to break up with her because "you're young and haven't explored enough yet".

    From the sounds of it, you're in a fairly similar situation. One of the things that I did is that the second time I came out to my mom, I had actually emailed her a link to a website that was the "do's and don't's" of when your child comes out. I think that you would need to provide more than that to your parents. Provide them with knowledge on being gay. Show them that you can have a nice family (ie. Neil Patrick Harris). Present them with points about why being gay is not a choice and that it would simply be stupid to choose to be gay if people were going to dislike/hate you for it. You can either choose to say these kind of things in person or find articles for them to read. Another helpful thing is to think of the arguments they used as to why being gay is wrong and why you are not gay. Research the things your parents said. Research the ways that you can reply to those comments. That helped me a lot when I came out the second time, I didn't feel so defenseless. Not feeling defenseless really helps you stay out of situations like telling your dad that you'll try dating girls.

    I'll give you a sample of one of the conversations that happened with me
    Mom: "But you're too young to know for sure what your sexuality is. I think you need to date some other guys, more than just the one you've already dated. I know that wasn't the greatest relationship but it's not gonna be the same with every guy. You need to test the waters with dating before you know your sexuality."
    Me: "Firstly, I know that not all guys are the same. That's not why I'm dating a girl. It's just because I like her. And I just have a question for you. Did you experiment with girls in college?"
    Mom: "No."
    Me: "So before college, you knew you were straight?"
    Mom: "Yes."
    Me: "If you were not too young to know your sexuality, why am I too young to know mine?"
    Mom: *changes topic*

    I could see a variation of my responses working for you. If you can think of any things that your parents might say you can comment them on this post (I'm subscribed to it now) and I can try to reply to them from your perspective.

    Best wishes,
    Holly
     
  4. ANerdWhoCares

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    I'm sorry to say this, but people like your parents REALLY piss me off. :tantrum:

    People who whip out the "it's unnatural" or "I want you to have children" arguments are really only thinking about themselves! Maybe being gay is unnatural, but so is being double jointed. Would people make this big of a deal about trying to change that? I didn't think so. Every facility that claimed they could "change" gay people into being straight has taken back that claim, because it's impossible and amoral to try.

    Should you even WANT to have children, surrogate mothers are a real thing! Not to mention studies are being made towards uterine transplants for gay couples to have kids without the need of a female host.

    I know it hurts, but you've gotta live your life for YOU not for them. Do what will make YOU happy in life, you only get one chance to live it. Be strong! :frowning2:
     
  5. Repona

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    I heard a lot of this from my brother. My mom was surprisingly fine with it, but my younger sis was skirting the lesbian boarder. So that helped I'm sure. You just need to stick to your convictions and give people time to come around usually. Be true to yourself. That's what counts.

    <3