When I was in grade 6-8, my dad was having an affair with lana. He told my mom sometime in gr 7 and said he would see her again. Guess what, he did, wow, big surprise there. So then in gr 8 he told her again and moved out. Now Ièm in gr 11 and he is still with that jerk (who by the way was also having an affair to be with him and also has kids). Now, I wouldn't care at all if they had talked and decided that things weren't working and then he moved out and after he moved out he started seeing her, but no, he had to be an idiot. I know that the fact that they (my parents) did not communicate was both of their issue, but sleeping with other women is not the solution. Now (or how) he expects us (my two siblings and I ) to pretend we love her and "show respect". It is so frustrating. It took me a really long time (until just a month or two ago) to actually not despise him, but her? I don't see that one happening anytime soon. She also swears, which I don't like at all (I'm Mennonite...), I mean, what a great influence she is... My mom has had a boyfriend since, and I don't mind, at all, because he was nice and she didn't have an affair with him. What makes it all worse is that when she's around, my dad makes us do things he doesn't normally push. He makes my brother (who is autistic) talk to her, and be properly social. He can't even be properly social with his friends, much less her. I'm not much better, yeah, I'm not autistic, but I am such an introvert, I don't seek people out at all. I am slightly misanthropic and I don't like individual people much either, unless they are my friends, or friends of friends. I will fight to the end for my friends... but not people like her. It's really hard to be even civil to people who have gone behind your back like that, and he's forcing us. He grounds my siblings and I if we don't talk, I don't ever talk at supper, and he expects, forces me too when she's here!?! gah, I am so frustrated... Thanks for reading this...
I can understand why you are having difficulty talking to and/or respecting her. It sounds like he's being insensitive to how you feel, and forcing you to do something that they themselves have made some mistakes with. Have you tried to talk to him about this? And, he does know that your brother has lots of difficulty talking to people because he is autistic, right? Does he not understand that fully? And, how does your mom feel about this?
I'm not sure whether he's being deliberately insensitive or if he just simply doesn't understand the difficulties you and your brother have, but either way, I think you need to discuss it with him. Do you think you could explain to him politely how you feel? Writing him a letter could be an option too, as you could write several drafts and you'd be less likely to say something you regret on the spur of the moment.
It sounds like he's either indifferent or not fully understanding. You should sit him down and explain why you and your brother are having issues with this woman. If you can, explain to him how he made you feel having an affair with your mom as well! Sometimes it's just better to get it all out there. It might be helpful to explain thoroughly the troubles your brother has being autistic (I'm guessing he wasn't around much?), and find pamphlets/websites/books explaining exactly WHAT autism is. As for the woman, I'm not saying you have to like her, but it would work in your advantage to be civil. If you see her, nod your head to her or say hello, and carry on with your business. You don't have to have any personal interaction with her, or even like her, but it can keep things from getting worse (and I completely agree on the swearing thing). Hope that helps! (*hug*)
Thank you all. I'm trying... So, an update for you all, yesterday at about 10 ish I started feeling really down and alone and just , really horrible. My comforts are my stuffed monkey, k.d. Lang's Hymns of the 49th Parallel, and my mom. I did not have any of these at my dad's house... He had taken away my laptop right after I wrote the original post and it has all my music on it, the hard (CD) copies are either at my moms house or at the library. After about an hour and a half, I couldn't take it anymore so I put a sweater on, then my winter jacket, a pair of pants on over top of my pj bottoms, but on a whole shwack of socks on my feet and hands, crammed my feet into my dress shoes (the only ones I had downstairs), wrote "I'm at HOME" on a piece of paper that I left on the bed, struggled with the window (it's all iced up) pushed the screen out and crawled out my window... It's only a ten minute walk to my moms house and nothing bad ever happens in my neighbourhood and we have a bunch of good friends who live along the path I would take so I wasn't worried. I got to my moms house just fine and cried on her shoulder for almost two hours... She talked to him for me and then I went to bed. I woke up and went to church after which my mom told one of her friends what had gone on and she offered to talk to the pastor and see what he could do about it, mediation etc... i ended up going back to his place (I had too...) and am still here now (till 5). My dad just gets really quite and teary when anything bad happens so I'm just going to have to talk to him for the rest of the day, which might not be a horrible thing... I am aware that running away (I was really running to, but whatever...) was not the best choice but I couldn't see (only kind of can now even) what any other options there were. I'm contemplating (since I'm 16 and at 16 in AB anyways, you can chose where you want to live if your parents are divorced/separated) if I should just stay with my mom. I really want to say, I'm going to live with mom until she's out of your life. The problem with this is that I'm giving him control over where I am if I do that... I'm not quite sure what to do at this point, I'm not in any physical danger at all, and he is trying to figure out what he can do to make things better but I can't stand her or her influence on him. At one point last night she said "I have done things in life that I did for myself and even though other people don't like me very much because of it, I don't care" does that strike you as odd, at all? I know people have to do things for personal reasons but shouldn't you at least try to make them the least negative for others as you can? I don't know... This was more venting, if any of you have any advise, that would be appreciated...
I think that if your parents had AGREED on separating and your father hadn't had the affair, you wouldn't be feeling this way. Cheating on someone affects not only THAT person, but also their children. I understand your feelings. Personally I think infidelity is worse than any other type of betrayal because it is injuring someone that loves you. So seeing him do that to your mother will forever change the way you view him as a person. But we all make mistakes and screw up. So did he. And maybe some day you might be able to forgive. Perhaps you need to in order to move on with your life. He, on the other hand, must respect your feelings even if he never respected your mother's. His kids needs should come BEFORE his partners.
I agree with all of that, I have reid very hard to forgive him, I find it very hard when he is still going out with the origin of the problem... It's hard to forgive someone who, although the situation changed (he's no longer "cheating" because my parents are separated) the problem is still there... Thank you.
