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Things are not going to plan...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by floraliese, Dec 13, 2015.

  1. floraliese

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    so i posted recently about how I was worreid about coming out as bisexual to my family after the disaster that was my sisters coming out as transgender a while ago. I finally got to the point though that I felt okay coming out to a very close friend of mine, the only person who i confided in about the stuff with my sister. she came over and while she visited, right when i felt i had the courage to say it she ended up confiding in me that she was having major mental health issues (return of longstanding issues) and I just didt feel okay dumping this on top of what she is already dealing with.

    then i went to see some friends and while me and another friend were chatting they came out to me as asexual and i felt like that would have also been a moment where i should have said something to help but we were still in a room with everyone and i just didnt feel quite safe enough in that moment.

    now im just irrationally annoyed at that i couldnt come out to the person i wanted when i was ready too, and annoyed at myself for passing up what could have been a good moment given to me on a silver platter...

    and then the other day my mum made a comment while we were talking about some of my friends, one of whom is bi, and that she wondered how you could be with a bi person because you would be worried about whether they changed their mind and were into guys again... i called her out on it and tried to explain but i dont think she really got what i was saying...

    so in short, nothing really going to plan at the moment. sigh. i feel a bit like im at a sushi train place looking for something in particular and by the time i figure out the plate going past is what i want its just out of reach. If that makes any sense whatsoever. am i blowing this all out of proportion??
     
  2. animatedPi

    Regular Member

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    No you're not really blowing this out of proportion, it's completely normal to struggle with coming out for the first time to somebody, even though you are ready to do so, I struggled to come out too, even though I couldn't come out to my best friend who has a bi friend. Your mother did take it a little bit too far, but I don't think she really understands the concept of being bi and all the judgement people get from being LGBT every day. But all and all, I think you will be alright, you just need a little bit more time to be able to come out.
    Anyway, wish the best for you in the future.
     
  3. floraliese

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    Thank you :slight_smile: I just wish it werent such a hard frustrating process! its very exhausting. and when i try to not think about it and just take a few days away from my problems i get worried that im not being honest, especially when others assume im straight and i dont correct them. i know i should care less what people say/think about me, especially when its not even something bad, but it irks me.

    and i think mum is just a very uneducated person when it comes to these things, she came from a very conservative background where she probably never even encountered these words in her life before my sister and i grew up with it. with other social issues and things she is better when she understands an issue, thinks more before she speaks then...
     
  4. mychemromance99

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    You're not blowing this out of proportion at all!
    Its just that you want your coming out to go as planned, at the perfect moment.
    Dont worry, there will be plenty more such perfect momwnts, (believe me)
    I suggest that you act on slight impulse, maybe when the mood is fine, and when you and your friwnd are somewhere private, but but public too. What about while walking somewhere.
    'Cause thats how I came out for the first time.

    Just relax and tell him/her.
    And all the best :slight_smile: (&&&)
     
  5. floraliese

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    Thank you! i feel a bit better that people feel that its justified...

    Hopefully I can maybe take your advice. Unfortunately I don't get to see this friend often due to their work but hopefully next time I do I can have another crack at it, if shes in a better place where i wouldnt be bombarding her anyway...
     
  6. mychemromance99

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    Well all the best :slight_smile:
    And don't forget to tell us here at if when you come out :grin:

    Again, may the odds be in your favor.