So, I have this (straight) friend who I have known for a little over a year. We are not close in the way that I am close to my best friends from my college days, but we hang out semi-regularly, and she has been there for me on a couple of occasions when I have needed help with stuff, and one time she came over when I was having a panic attack and needed someone to be with me, which was really sweet of her (she knows I don't know many people in the area and I don't have family or anyone else to call). She is super LGBT supportive, has told me that she helped out a friend who was questioning, even to the extent of going to a gay bar, she chose to go to a gay benefit event for her birthday, she has lesbian friends and has gone to their wedding and said how awesome it was, etc. But for some reason even though I have had a million opportunities to tell her I am gay I can't make myself say it. WHY???!!! She would be the perfect person to tell in so many ways, obviously. I have only told people who I don't get to see very often, and she is a person I do see regularly and also who knows a lot of the other people that I tend to spend time with in this area, so I guess that would be a big step. She would also be the first person I would tell who I don't feel that close to, as she is not one of my closest friends. On the other hand, I don't feel like it is possible to get close to her without telling her, since I have been questioning since before we met and it has been sort of the most major thing I have been dealing with emotionally lately. So, should I just tell her, even though I am still feeling uncomfortable/not ready for some reason? Has anyone else experienced this kind of coming-out block before, which seemingly makes NO sense? I feel like the answer is "just do it already!!!" but then why can't I? Should I listen to my instinct (saying don't tell her) or push myself to do it? I will say that when I first was trying to come out to my close friends and would chicken out, I felt really nervous and then really terrible afterwards about not telling them until I felt I really just had to say it or I would explode, and with her I just don't feel that emotional about the whole thing. But at a certain point it just isn't practical for her not to know...we talk about dating/relationships all the time and I never have anything to say, so that's awkward. I have tried hinting around, but she hasn't picked up on that so far. Can anyone relate to this? I feel like this post is so ridiculous I am embarrassed to even put it out there, but I will anyway....:icon_redf
Hey don't feel embarrassed or hard on yourself for it. Coming out can be hard no matter who you're telling and I can totally relate. I have this friend (now girlfriend). Way back when I started questioning I really wanted to tell her. She was literally the most liberal, supportive person I'd ever known and she's bi so I was so confused why I couldn't tell her easily. It's often hard because when you know someone, you don't want to shock them with this new piece of information about you, but it's not really different because you're both still the same people. And I think once you tell her and get it out of the way you'll wonder why it was so hard in the first place It also can feel kind of awkward sometimes bringing that up, especially if it's a person you don't always have serious conversations with. But think about it from her side. No matter how you tell her or bring it up she'll probably appreciate that you told her and feel nothing but support for you. And don't be hard on yourself if it takes several tries to do it. It's just a hard thing sometimes and that's okay
Thank you so much bubbles123!! Your reply makes me feel so much better! And I am so happy to hear it all worked out so well for you! (*hug*)
I feel the same way! I moved to another state even some of my close friends knows I am bi. The reason why it's easy to tell them I am bi because I have no interest with them but for some reason I am extremely nervous to tell one special person that I am bi because I am scared to lose my only friendship which is really hard to get when I moved. To clarify this, I am deaf and where I am currently staying has no deaf community (very few deaf people) and this friend I was talking about is a sign language interpreter. She has two boys and divorced. I am married and my husband knows I am bi. We get together sometimes for dinner or hang out. The more I see her, the more I like her and the more nervous I wanted to tell her I am bi. It is not about getting my feeling hurt if she is not bi but I am worried about losing the only friendship I have and having her lost respect toward to me. Any ideas how I should do it?
Hey guys! Just an update: I told her just now!!! YAY! And ironically it was the least scary coming out I have had so far. This is the 5th person I have told, and so far although I have been pretty certain all would be accepting as they are either close friends or have shown big support for the LGBT, I have still been really nervous. But this time really wasn't too bad! I got super nervous right before I started to say it, but once I got going it was fine and the word "gay" didn't stick in my throat quite as much as usual. She was very supportive, of course--it was no big deal to her at all. And told me that we can watch LGBT themed movies together and that she would be there for me to support me in case I need help when I tell my parents, and if I get a date soon (because I am trying online dating these days) she wants to hear all about it! So that's awesome! Gosh, irishphoto, that is a tough situation! I felt the same way about telling my other close friend (he is really my only truly close friend where I live, so I really did not want things to change between us). For me, though, I knew that he would be supportive because he has made supportive comments about having LGBT friends/in support of LGBT rights in the past. Has the general topic of LGBT stuff ever come up with your friend? That might be a good way to find out how she would handle it.
