Hey guys and girls, I've known for about 15 years that I can have 'romantic feelings' for the same sex (male in my case) but it's all very confusing and I don't quite know how to go about making this easier in my head so I'm hoping someone could shed some light. 1. I'm quite fussy - only certain types of males do it for me, I seem to have a much more selective taste compared to my attraction to women - is this normal, will this change as I get older and (hopefully) gain the confidence to be more open? 2. Being 100% open about it... It has always been a relief to get it off my chest to close girlfriends in the past, and more recently my parents but I don't feel like I'm ready to openly describe myself as "bi-sexual". Is it going to cause me more anxiety bottling this up or is it perfectly healthy to continue as I am and be discrete? 3. Does having like-minded people around you help this? I watched the film 'Carol' recently in the same room as same sex couples, it was really good to feel such a connection to the film and also be around people who I imagined accepted and understood me - is it important to expose myself to more experiences like this?
1. Everybody has their own turn ons and turn offs, it depends if your mind changes a lot and stuff if your taste in men is going to change 2. Don't force yourself to be open, it will build up pressure, do it if you know you are truly ready and if you know you have your thoughts in order 3. Yes, you can openly discuss the topic with them and they can't really judge you for it, they will be more accepting and open to conversations, also it will help you to get that pressure off your chest
If you feel you are hiding important parts of yourself from those you're close to because of this, you'd probably feel better being open about it and telling people. That way if you like a guy, it's easier to pursue a relationship because the coming out part is over and done with. But if you're not comfortable doing that yet that is totally okay. You take all the time you need. Sometimes it's better to accept it more in yourself more first before telling others. It's all about what makes you most comfortable based on where you are right now. And you're not going to like every person guy. You can have very specific tastes and it can be different for each gender. It really doesn't matter. If it's what you feel then don't worry about it being normal. And you said you wonder if being more confident about it will make you feel more attraction towards guys romantically. The answer to that is possibly. Maybe yes and maybe no but either way becoming more positive and comfortable about your orientation is always a good thing.
You seemed to very carefully describe your feelings for other men as 'romantic', so I'm wondering what all of that means to you? Do you ever consider the idea of being sexually intimate with another man... a man that you are attracted to? Tell us, if you can. You know, many people who identify as bisexual have a distinct preference. Sometimes it's for the same sex, other times the opposite sex. Would it be reasonable to say that you are more easily attracted to the opposite sex, even though you are very aware of the same sex attraction (to a certain type of man)? The more comfortable you are with your sexuality, the better it will be for you. When you suppress or deny an important aspect of your persona, it reduces your sense of contentment and happiness in life. Coming out needn't mean telling the world from the rooftops of buildings, but it does mean accepting yourself and recognising the reality of your feelings. You don't have to use the word bisexual to describe your sexuality, but it's better if you can 'make friends' with the word.
Three great replies. Thanks for the in depth reply and follow up questions Patrick. I chose the word 'romantic' which to me means both sexual and emotional interest. There is an obvious sexual attraction but more importantly I have found myself caring intimately about the feelings of men in the same way that I do with women - does that make any sense?
Thanks for responding - it does make sense. I only asked because some people attempt to make (an often false) separation. Coming to terms with our sexuality is a bit of a journey and nobody ever claimed it was easy. Sometimes you feel as though you are racing forward and making good progress and other days you may feel as though you have stopped altogether. When you get days like that it's good to talk about it and reach out for support, because there is nothing worse than dealing with circling thoughts and feelings on your own. Most of the pressure comes from societal expectations and standards (which are changing) and once you fully accept that same sex attraction is an inherent part of who we and something that cannot be changed or fixed life becomes simpler. It's not easy to arrive at that point though and that's what the 'journey' is all about.
