I'm in my 20s. I've been married to a man for a few years now. He's my best friend and I love him to death, but not in "that" way. I came out to him a year ago after I had a meltdown. He was (righteously) upset at first. We eventually worked through it and want to remain friends. I wish I could give him those years of his life back. Please believe me when I say I am not a heartless person who intentionally hurts others. Divorce isn't an option yet, because we are financially dependent on each other and in a certain situation where it would not be a good idea to make it official. Both of us are okay with this. I've been suppressing my feelings for a very long time. I wish I would have simply came out when I was younger, but I couldn't accept myself. I looked at myself like I had an illness, something that I had to contain. I had no support. None from my family or friends and certainly none from my church. My younger self did not make good decisions with the future in mind, that much is plain to see. When my family found out I was exchanging messages with a girl I was interested in, they flipped out. I wasn't allowed to see her or talk to her anymore. It got even worse when my peers caught wind of my sexuality. It scared me to death and since that point I've been trying my hardest to pretend to be a completely different person. There's more to this, more than I'm willing to write on a website. The main point is that putting on an act for the world to see has brought me nothing but misery. It's obvious that I'm deeply upset, yet people do not know why. I've basically been a self-loathing homophobe all this time. I did come out to my mom. She said it was hard to swallow at first, but she has come to terms with it and wants to stand behind me. However, the reaction I fear the most is from my grandmother. She is far from being an understanding type. There is no telling precisely how she's going to react to the news. Despite the fact that my best friend and mother will be there with me as I break the news, I have a terrible feeling in my stomach. I know she can't control me anymore since I have my own place. It's the rejection I fear so much, something I am sure a lot of people are afraid of when coming out. I want to come out to people who are closest to me. Some do know and they are accepting. I have not experienced a negative reaction yet so I am unsure of how I might process a bad response in a healthy way. Best case scenario she accepts the situation for what it is and learns to deal with it. Worst case is that she will disown me for not doing what she believes is right. I do not know how to approach the subject or how I might deal with a bad aftermath. All of this is brand new to me.
Bit of a messy situation, i wont lie... I think the best thing for you to do is to calm down, and deal with each of these problems one at a time. There's no one set way to solve them all at once. I'll try and break down my advice for each issue one by one. Your grandmother; there's no way to beat around the bush on this one. If you wait too long to tell her, she could be hurt that you waited so long to tell her, and that could influence her reaction to go worse than it would normally. Your mother and best friend have offered to stand by you as you tell her, if she reacts in an awful way it will be in the presence of your mom, who will try to talk her down if things get out of hand. Don't wait too long, keep a level head, be honest, and keep your allies close. Your friends; some will accept, some will reject. That's just the way the world works, but if you try and conform to society's views, you're only betraying yourself. Its not like you'll be congratulated for being "normal," so its all hard work, with no benefits. Live your life for YOU, not for others. YOU ONLY GET ONE CHANCE TO LIVE IT, DON'T LET OTHERS' ARROGANCE RUIN IT. Bad reactions. There's a quote for this that i really like; "Sometimes, you just gotta say...'fuck the haters.'" Nobody ever gets USED to bad reactions, you just have to keep telling yourself that other people's closed-mindedness just doesn't matter. The world has changed in the past few years, and the people who TRULY react badly to homosexuality are a minority themselves. Lastly, your husband. I don't really think its my place to offer a stance on this one, but as soon as you're no longer financially dependent on each other, get the hell out. Enjoy the life you've been given, and don't let past mistakes weigh you down. I wish you the best of luck on this one, and i hope I've given you advice that can help.
