1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Please dont judge- serious advice

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BitterEdge, Jan 25, 2009.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

Page 1 of 2
  1. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest

    I ended up having sex with a guy two nights in a row, whom I grew to think we were friends just having a little fun. We were also drunk when it happened. This morning I told him we needed to talk. Asked him what he thought about us, he said he didnt know. Then I said lets take it slow and he went ya ok. Then all day I've been trying to text him and aim him and now he isn't answering. Was I just a sort of pawn at play, is he angry with me, etc? I was hoping to be friends at least he seems like such an awesome guy.

    He also lives on campus and I may see him again.

    Advice?
     
    #1 BitterEdge, Jan 25, 2009
  2. 1974

    1974
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2008
    Messages:
    93
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wiltshire, UK
    Take it easy, its hard after such an experience, but he may be in just the same position as you trying to work out what he wants.

    Don't be too pushy if you like him, equally if you dont hear anything just try a cool calm text to guage the situation. However dont text every five minutes. Only advice i can offer.
     
    #2 1974, Jan 25, 2009
  3. EM68

    EM68
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2008
    Messages:
    3,265
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Stoughton, Massachusetts USA
    I would just give him some time so he can process things. If you guys were drunk then it could be just the booze talking,if you know what I mean. You may also want to ask yourself if he was your pawn at play. Also is this guy gay or was this as a result of him being drunk? Don't worry about us judging you. I fooled around with a guy about a month ago and I don't even like him or remember his name. :dry:
     
    #3 EM68, Jan 25, 2009
  4. 1974

    1974
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2008
    Messages:
    93
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wiltshire, UK
    agreed in fact my fool around was the thing that made me finally come out, it was awkward at first but we are now good friends.
     
    #4 1974, Jan 25, 2009
  5. Midnight Angel

    Midnight Angel Guest

    I've done this before and I tried to be friends with the people after it happened but they tended to be extremely annoying sober lol. But if he's cool like you say he may just need a bit to figure things out.
     
    #5 Midnight Angel, Jan 25, 2009
  6. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest

    He is openly gay. I texted a lot today and am gonna wait a few days before I send any messages unless he sends them first. Maybe next weekend I'll try again with a hows it going message or something.

    I feel so dirty and it kind of hurts they won't talk to you later.
     
    #6 BitterEdge, Jan 25, 2009
  7. 1974

    1974
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2008
    Messages:
    93
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wiltshire, UK
    Understand that but definitely give it time if its gonna be it will be.
     
    #7 1974, Jan 25, 2009
  8. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest

    That's where my head is currently. Thanks.
     
    #8 BitterEdge, Jan 25, 2009
  9. EM68

    EM68
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2008
    Messages:
    3,265
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Stoughton, Massachusetts USA
    I also felt dirty and disappointed in myself the next day. I emailed the guy a few days later to thank him for a good time and he never emailed me back.
     
    #9 EM68, Jan 25, 2009
  10. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest

    How long did it take for you to get over it?
     
    #10 BitterEdge, Jan 25, 2009
  11. EM68

    EM68
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2008
    Messages:
    3,265
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Stoughton, Massachusetts USA
    A week or so. Around that time my dad got sick and was in the hospital so my mind was on other things. Don't worry about it just chalk it up to a life experience. Remember it takes 2 to tango :slight_smile:.
     
    #11 EM68, Jan 25, 2009
  12. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest

    Oh I know. I prefer sex to be with those who care about u. And if not at least be friends with them, otherwise to me its odd...like this is how I'm feeling.
     
    #12 BitterEdge, Jan 25, 2009
  13. 1974

    1974
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2008
    Messages:
    93
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wiltshire, UK
    Agreed it does take two dont beat yourself up.

    (*hug*)
     
    #13 1974, Jan 25, 2009
  14. EM68

    EM68
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2008
    Messages:
    3,265
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Stoughton, Massachusetts USA

    I actually did not have sex with him but some other stuff. I think that is part of the reason why he never emailed me back. I won't get graphic. I know what you mean about wanting to have sex with someone you care about. It shows that you are a good caring guy. You will find someone that is right for you. I want to do it with the guy I'm dating but he is being transferred. He said if he was not leaving he would want to move things forward physically. He want to be just friends, so right now I feel like things are in limbo.
     
    #14 EM68, Jan 25, 2009
  15. Mirko

    Mirko
    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,884
    Likes Received:
    3,221
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I agree that it is not worth it to beat yourself up about it. If a friendship still continues to develop that's great. If not, I wouldn't worry too much about it. You have tried contacting him, he knows you want to talk with him. The ball is in his court now. Give him some time. When you see him on campus just say hi, and he might say something. If not, just leave it at that. He might need some time. (*hug*)
     
    #15 Mirko, Jan 25, 2009
  16. Lexington

    Lexington
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'll only beat you up for the opening part of your post. "I ended up having sex with a guy two nights in a row..." No, you didn't "end up" doing this. "End up" is the passive voice. It implies being out of control, of being at the mercy of forces greater than yourself. You're not. You chose to have sex with this guy two nights running. And that's fine.

    And so now you want to talk about "us". You said "let's take it slow"...then proceeded to hit him up with text after text, IM after IM. That's not "slow". "Slow" means giving each other some breathing space. So do it. Maybe he'll contact you. Maybe he won't. If he doesn't, so be it.

    Lex
     
    #16 Lexington, Jan 25, 2009
  17. Charles Marcus

    Charles Marcus
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2009
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Latvia, Riga
    at first, he maybe can't feel good so quicly about stauts change (friends -> lovers)

    second thought- sometimes people just want to have sex without planing "our" further life together. sex is just a sex, if you want relationship, then build them.
     
    #17 Charles Marcus, Jan 25, 2009
  18. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest

    To answer first of all Lex the alcohol helped the 2nd night I didn't want to. Second I agree about giving him pleanty of time. I think by weeks end I will send a text like so what you up to? We are sill facebook friends so I guess thats a good sign.



     
    #18 BitterEdge, Jan 25, 2009
  19. Mirko

    Mirko
    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,884
    Likes Received:
    3,221
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi! I know that you really want to maintain contact with him but it might be best if you really give him some time (leave it undefined). Texting/e-mailing him or sending him a message on fb, might just accomplish the opposite. Let him contact you. He will contact you when he is ready! If he doesn't, just leave it at that.

    By continuing to contact him and not getting any answers the only thing you do is setting yourself up for an emotional roller coaster and having even more questions swirling around in your head. Why do want to do that?

    Give him time and space. That's the best thing you can do at this point. Respect his needs. I know it is hard, but you can do it!
     
    #19 Mirko, Jan 25, 2009
  20. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest

    I'm waiting till Friday before I contact him again. Apparently a friend of mine hooked up with him before, though it was a one night stand. We connected on a few levels and even went out for food afterward on Sat. so I thought we were gonna be friends at least.

    I just feel so much like a tool now and don't wanna even think about sex for some time.
     
    #20 BitterEdge, Jan 26, 2009
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)
Page 1 of 2