I don't know how to start but I am at point where I am sort of confused because I do like women and I am married to my husband. I came out to him few years ago and only very few close friends knows. I never want my family to know because we had tough time in few years and I only see my family like 3 or 4 time a year ( we live in different state if you were wondering). I am very shy and I simply don't know how to approach to women that I am bisexual and tell a special someone that I really like her. Problem is that she lives in different state and she knows me and my husband. She considered herself as bi/lesbian. What I am really scared is that If I tell her, she might be turn off or thinks we want 3some with her. That is not the case. She is really close to my other close friend too. I think it is possible she might know because maybe my close friend may have told her but made no comment or move if she want to ask if I am bi. Should I ask her if she knew I am bi or just keep talking to her as friends?
Dear irishphoto, First of all, welcome to EC and congratulations on coming out to your husband and your close friends! Those are huge steps and it must have taken so much courage. Well done! I can't speak for your friend, but speaking for myself as an out lesbian who has had her share of (annoyingly objectifying) threesome offers, I can tell you that if I were in her shoes, I would not assume that you were suggesting a threesome unless you explicitly told me so. If you want to be on the safe side, however, just tell her that a threeway is not what you want. While it's great that you know what you don't want, I would advise you to focus on what you do want instead. Do you want to explore and experiment with this woman? Do you want her to be your female FWB? Do you want to pursue a romantic relationship with her? To answer your question: I would encourage you to ask her if she knows. You could just bring up the subject of LGBT rights or something and say something along the lines of, "I know you and our mutual friend are close and I was wondering if he/she ever told you that I identify as bi, which I'm not completely open about because my I don't trust my family with it". She should be honored that you would trust her with that. If she already knows and hasn't made a move or commented, she probably assumes that you and your husband are exclusive. If the interest is mutual, some of us might find it presumptuous to think that just because a married woman is bi, even if she is flirting with us, she is actually interested in pursuing a relationship or whatever with us. Oh, and just like everyone else in the world who's not a masochist, lesbians aren't impregnable (pun unintended); we don't like getting hurt any more than you do, so try to consider what you are willing to invest in this woman so she may know what she would or wouldn't be getting into. I hope this is helpful to you. Love, PG
