Hey there everyone! First and foremost thank you for all the support and for developing this wonderful forum. I would like to introduce myself in a way that would provide you some insight in which you could base your advice or opinion on my current state of things. I knew i was gay when i was around 12. My life allowed me to have the conditions to accomodate maturity very young and as such i was well aware of this situation. I have always accepted myself and being very rational myself never have i doubted, second guessed or self judged negatively. It just did not happen. However, i have always been overall masculine and perceived as straight by everyone. Till this day, at 22, noone knows or suspects i am gay despite considering the oddity of me not having a girlfriend. I have always been very successful, currently working and finishing my thesis, socially comfortable and no personal issues. Regarding my sexuality i have never come out to anyone but my older brother who was suprised but both supportive and ok. My parents would be devastated if i did tell them. As for friends i dont trust anyone well enough to confide on as it may be a liability in my professional or academic life. Trust me i have some really good friends but he risk is considerable as they are profissional or academic colleagues and you never know...The country in which i live is somewhat not accepting. I have not come out simply due to the practicality of knowing what to expect, predict and continue to my goals without drama. As such i have never had a boyfriend. I have never had a gay friend that i know. I have never been in a gay bar. Few are the gay people i talk to sometimes i feel a little alone and the idea that i may not be accepted by my loved ones aches me and leads to some emotional void towards them. I have hired escorts before that fit the kind of men i look for and not having the risk of anyone knowing was both comforting and an amazing experience. I did not second guess it abit, it was actually very fun and a relief (i will probably keep experimenting on the shade haha). Still i feel i am missing my youth by not allowing me the opportunities that being publicly gay would leverage on. My questions are: How woud you deal with this? Any creative way of meeting closeted masculine gay guys of masculine gay guys overall without me disclosing publicly my sexuality? Would you come out to anyone else and if so how would you pick the people? Ever so grateful
