So, in the last thread I made I managed to acknowledge that I wasn't going to come out to anyone more than a couple of friends. However, I feel as if the real me is trapped inside a cage, and no one knows what's hidden behind the bars. I'm more reserved than I used to be, only speaking when necessary and never actually talking about me. If the topic does somehow draw towards me I'm quick to steer it away. This may not be the best place to ask for this type of advise, but it's close enough. I need advise on coping with not coming out to people. My family disagree with anything lgbt and if I come out my life will most certainly be worse than it already is- not just because of my family but other things too.
This may seem corny but a really good coping mechanism that can help is art. Write a poem, draw stupid doodle, make a painting, the options are endless. Just make sure that you don't let that become another trap. Eventually coming out will be the only way to melt the bars around you. That seems like a cliche thing to say I know but it's the truth.
Ok, I'll try and work on my art work more often. I already draw a lot so I'll try and write more poems. Anyone got any more advise? I'm really struggling with this.
I know this might not work for everyone. But I try not to let it bother me a lot. I've learnt that it doesn't help. In my situation it's not possible for me to go out and have relationships where I live. So I knew that until I move away to another place, where being Gay out in the open is acceptable and I can find people and experiment, have relationships without being prosecuted or heckled at, I have to keep it to myself. I immersed myself in other stuff. Now I am actively working towards a way to get out of my situation and move to another country. I'm sure that by next year I will be successful. That's what is keeping my spirits up and I'm looking forward to it.
Unfortunately I'll have about 5 years until I can legally move out, then I need to make the money and actually sort everything out so I'm guessing that's about 7-10+ years from now. So the thought of eventually moving out seems more of a fantasy than a reality.
Drawing as said above is great. Especially if you'd try to draw your feelings. It doesn't have to be representational, could be abstrack. Anything. If one is keeping a secret for a long time it can start to feel heavy and might become paranoid about things one says. Unless people are suspecting something they woun't throughoutly analyse everything one says. One way is to carry out yourself online. Such as here. Might be one of the only places where it's possible though. Here some good common positive coping methods. Listening to music Playing with a pet Laughing or crying Going out with a friend (shopping, movie, dining) Taking a bath or shower Writing, painting, or doing other creative activities Praying or going to church Exercising or getting outdoors to enjoy nature Discussing situations with a spouse or close friend Gardening or making home repairs Practicing deep breathing, meditation, or muscle relaxation Making and following through with an action plan to solve your problems. One thing to totally avoid is criticizing yourself. It doesn't leed to anywhere, I know I've been there.
That last one might take a bit of getting used to... Thanks so much for the advice, I'll try to make a plan of some sort to help!
