I try to avoid asking for help on a forum without contributing first but I don't really know what I could do to help anyone. I've slowly realized that I'm bisexual over the last 2 years, which was interesting since I was raised by baptists and always believed I was straight. Now that I've accepted it I believe it's time to officially come out, but I don't know if it's a good idea. I've told five close friends but the more people I tell the more likely it is that my parents will find out. I'm not worried as much about mom; we barely talk anyway for unrelated reasons. Dad is the one that mostly raised me and it's him and my other family I'm worried about disappointing. He's a strong believer in the Bible, clearly opposes gay marriage (although he hasn't called anyone a "faggot" in about a year) and I have a feeling he's going to waste the rest of his life trying to make me straight and worrying about God's wrath on my soul. I talked to someone on 7 cups of tea the other day and got the opposite of what I expected. Instead of encouraging me, they said in their experience as a bisexual person it was a good idea to put off coming out until it was necessary. And it makes sense in a way-- if I do end up marrying a woman, what does it matter right? Only I feel like I'll never know if my family really accepts me for who I am if they never find out. I wish I could just come out to everyone except my family but I know they'd find out eventually. My dad is almost 60. Is it bad that I almost want to wait until he's gone to come out? I don't know what to do. If I do come out soon it would be in over a year when I plan to find my own place. Or should I continue keeping it on the DL until I have to?
It really comes down to you deciding if you're ready to tell more people, maybe if your worried about how your dad will take the news have someone there with you for support, they don't have to be in the same room as you but just somewhere in the house. But if your willing to wait until you move out and find your own place then tell them that's fine too.
I have so far chosen not to come out to my family. I already get letters about how I'm going to hell and how my loved ones would really like to save my soul. (For not attending church.) That said my choice is because I feel like coming out would be opening myself to abuse. If I thought that I would be treated with respect even if they disagreed with me religiously I would come out. It's very stressful to stay in the closet, if you think he will be kind to you I would go for it. You would have a closer relationship if you can really talk about your feelings safely.
I know my dad cares about me, despite the way he shows it most of the time. I like to say I have balls of steel, but I'm pretty close with my extended and church family and am still worried about how everyone will take it. The problem is that they know they're right just as strongly as I know I'm right. However, in the time it took me to log back on and check I've done a lot of thinking and I've decided I'm going to wait until I save enough money to move out 2 years from now and send him a letter explaining. That way I won't immediately have to hear him quote verses and try to convince me otherwise, and he'll have a transcript of sorts that, if I know him, he'll read again when he's done being angry and might understand better. I think that's probably my best option but if anyone has input I'm glad to hear it.
That sounds like a very good plan. And it gives him some room to consider his words without saying something knee jerk that he might regret later.
I think you are making the right decision. It feels deceptive to keep this a secret but you need to own it when you disclose it to them. If you don't they will interpret it as a problem that needs intervention. You need to be able to tell them that they don't need to worry about you, that you are a happy gay man and you are doing just fine. So make sure you feel that way about yourself before telling them.
Bi, but I do feel happy enough and definitely sure of this. Took long enough to figure out and it's kind of a relief just to know. It's strange though, until now I was so worried but since I have a plan I'm kind of looking forward to it.
