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Being asked to not come out to anyone else yet

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by TobaccoFlower, Dec 22, 2015.

  1. TobaccoFlower

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    Location:
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    Female (trans*)
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    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I have a hard time with this. I know it's best to take my time and to make SURE this is what I want, but my wife is mainly worried that my coming out as transgender could just be fueled by my being unstable. I MIGHT have bipolar disorder and she is mainly worried, I guess, that it somehow caused it in tandem with trauma.
    I once considered this to be a possibility, but I'm mainly curious if maybe anyone else was hesitant to wait to come out because they somehow blamed it on not being emotionally stable enough. I don't believe this was CAUSED by anything, but I know she's trying to protect me from doing something I might go back on when I get proper treatment and mood stabilizers.

    What are your opinions? Please don't say anything bad about her, she's been amazing through all of this, I just don't know if I should argue against her and go forth with coming out like I WANT to or if she might have good reason to worry I might not be ready yet.
     
  2. DemiLiHue

    Regular Member

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    Some people
    Well, when I came out to my mom like Heteroflexible, (not even polysexual or Pansexual) she told me not to come out yet, that I could be wrong, that I was going to regret about this... That I was going to change, etc. and she was partially right:I was a lot more gay than what I thought I was!!
     
  3. TobaccoFlower

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    Out to everyone
    I guess that is also how I feel really. I feel MORE like I'm holding back now....
     
  4. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

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    How long have you known your gender? If it's been a while, you could tell her that if you haven't yet because that means you've waited like she seems to want you to do now. If its been a short time, that's okay too.
    How long does she want you to wait?
    Like you said, she's been really helpful about it all and probably just wants the best for you but if you know that this is the best thing for you, to come out now, then only you can really know that.
    If you're still worried what she said could be true, maybe you could set a certain amount of time to wait before coming out.

    Another thing is, on a deeper level, maybe she needs more time to get used to it herself before you come out to everyone else and that could be one reason she may feel more comfortable if you wait. I don't know if that's the case or not, just a possibility, but if it is maybe just give it a little time and talk to her about it. But ultimately, you know what you're feeling the best.

    Sorry if that wasn't a definitive answer but I hope it helped. Good luck.
     
  5. TobaccoFlower

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    Out to everyone
    She wants me to wait until I get treated and I'm stable. Which honestly may NEVER happen. (But it would theoretically take at least 6 months) I kinda like me this way. But. Anyway.
    I've SORTA known my whole life but not really CHALLENGED anything until early this year.
    I'm not at all worried about what she said coming true. I think she mainly wants me to give her time before me coming all the way out so she can be more supportive perhaps... I don't really know if this is her REAL motive or if she really just wants to make sure I don't make a big mistake.

    I guess I probably caught on to that idea before you said it. She might just need time, herself. That concept doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. But. It's normal for people close to an LGBT person to have a hard time with it too, right?
     
  6. silent symphony

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    If you feel more comfortable as a female, and you want to be out, be out. If your feelings change, then they change. Having support from those around you is a big help with working things out.
     
  7. TobaccoFlower

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    Out to everyone
    I guess I'm also really worried about HOW to come out. If I could post it on facebook and immediately transition I'd be totally cool with it but it's just not that easy and I guess... The fact that I won't be able to just BE a girl in SO many peoples' eyes is more painful than just being in the closet I think.

    When my wife misgenders me or basically tells me she doesn't SEE me as a girl it hurts so much worse than if someone just assumed I was a man who didn't know any better.

    Anyway. I think I DO want to come out. I just don't even know what stage in my coming out I am. It almost feels like I want to come out just for the support sometimes. Also I'd LOVE to go out in public as myself and not worry about someone seeing me who didn't already KNOW. COMING OUT IS WEIRD.