I'm really feel like I'm in a tug of war right now. My mom is worrried about me(understandably). She talks about Aids(although I don't have any plans on having sex any time soon anyway and she knows that) and about the not so accepting people that may try to hurt me. I understand, I'm really ok with her being concerned. What I am having trouble with her instence that I take it slow. I mean it seems like everytime we talk now this comes up. I understand that this seems really rapid for her(she's only known for a month). But for me this is over 6 years in the coming, so I guess it doesn't seem to fast at all. And even if I wanted to take it slow, things are arleady in motion. I mean, my sexuality is just an integrated part of who I am now. If the subject is brought up or if people were to ask I am just honest about it. I mean I wear around a rainbow bracelet!(though I could use an upgrade its pretty ugly). Granted there are some important people that do not know right now...my roomates primarily. But I really don't want to slow down, I really believe God is with me, and so are my friends. I'm not going to try to bulldoze over people, but I do want to make a difference. But alas, my mom feels like I am taking this too fast and she makes sure I know that. So what do I do...shut her out? I just really am not sure what to do.
well just give her time. i think she just needs to let it sink in for a while. dont shut her out. she'll most likely get frantic and think something happened to u. well idk. idk her. but shutting her out wont help. just talk to her. and if she keeps bringing it up then tell her what u said on here, if uve already told her tat. then tell her tat u arent going to change ur mind. just stand firm. tell that u kno what ur doing, ur not goin to hide who u r. and ppl r backing u and support u
Hi there! It seems like that your mom is trying to adjust to adjust to the new 'reality.' For some parents, their son's or daughter's sexuality is seen as something 'private', something that should not leave the house so to speak. At the same time, remember that there are a lot of stereotypes (one of which you mentioned) out there. But you can educate your mum that a lot (if not all) of the stereotypes don't apply to everyone and just keep reassuring her that you know what you are doing and that you are being careful. Also, there is a really good book available called "Now That You Know: A Parents Guide to Understanding Their Gay and Lesbian Children", which might help with answering some of the concerns that she has and might help her to understand you better as well. Given that your mom is worried, I do think that it is important that you keep talking with her and that you try answering any questions or concerns that she might have. Reassuring her that things are okay and that you are living your life the way it is meant to be and that you are happier might also allow her to come to terms with it a lot better. I hope this helps a bit.
Ive been having the same tug-of-war, but a tiny bit more extreme. My mother wants me to re-enter the closet and stop labeling myself gay because she thinks its a choice. Ive screamed at her how im never going to change, its not a choice because ive been on the brink of suicide about it and have yet to change, and just went on and on about how she has to somehow learn to accept it and going back into the closet is no longer even possible. But yea, what ive been attempting (might help you too) is gathering all the material on the subject for her because, like many parents, they grew up with a view on the subject that was driven by media, religion, family views, or other things that may not paint an accurate picture for your mother. Videos like "For the bible tells me so" (on youtube in 10 parts) PFLAG material, educational books from the library, and other such things should help. Once your parents see its not what they think all you can do is hope for the best and give them space. Space has been key for me, although my parents kinda ran away from home for awhile so space has not been the issue. Things are now at the point for me were its just an awkward subject that has been sweeped under the rug until it finds its way out. I guess im going to have to bring it up more, otherwise they will never accept it. If i have learned anything from all this, its that your parents can be almost a different species and need to be treated accordingly.
It sounds like she wants to be involved, but scared because she doesnt what to expect, or because she has a false perception as to whats happening. Talk to her about it! If shes the one slowing you down you need to deal with her! and I would NOT block her out.
Thanks everyone. I don't know if things are getting any better but I do continue to offer her resources and she continues to research it on her own(as does my aunt and grandmother). I think you guys are right she just needs time. I guess at times I just get frustrated because its brought up in every converastion we have but I guess it will get better as she becomes more comfortable. Thanks everyone.
