Hi everyone. this is my first post. i stumbled across your site a couple of weeks ago and I now need some advice. there is a girl who everyone told me liked me. well this afternoon I found myself alone watching a movie with her, and she sent me a text talking about it. I told her I wasn't looking for a girlfriend. then she told me it's ok i know you're gay. I froze. I don't want to come out. i'm not ready to. I asked her to keep it to herself, but then when her roomates came back, she made a "gay" comment, then said oops and looked at me and said sorry. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid everyone is going to find out. I'm not ready for that. I left and came home and threw up. I'm shaking i'm so worried. what should I do? I didn't think I acted gay to where people knew. if she knew, other people are going to find out. I live in a very conservative world, and for the most part, like it. I'm not ready for, and don't want that to change. ps i'm a bi guy, if that matters
I'm bi too and it isn't the end of the world if people find out. After you come out to a few of your friends you eventually stop caring. Try to remain calm, talk to her about it, let her know how you feel...she'd probably be a good point of reference in the coming out process. And to that let me be one of the first to welcome you here to EC, we are a wonderful resource.
(welcome to EC, GO ILLINI! -i assume you go there b.c. of your name- entire family went there) no and being bi or whatever dosnt matter- who cares? you are what you are. i think the best think about college is that u can pick and chose who you surround yourself with..this girl clearly is not what you would consider a perfect friend. dont let the nerves of the situation overcome you. just breathe and relex. tell her calmly that you dont appreciate her making conclutions about yourself and that you would appreciate if she didnt make comments that come off offensive or can let other people know your bi. plus she prolly made that comment b.c. she knew she didnt have a chance with you and she was upset- hey it's flattering! dont worry about coming out right now, just make the first step and come to terms compltley with yourself, surround yourself with people who will compltley accept and not make u feel uncomfortable. and most of all- take your time! when your ready to start coming out, you'll tell those who you want to. and dont worry about how you act. you are what you are and it does not matter what some people may label you as. hope that helped! (write on my wall anytime if you wanna chat!)
Hi there and welcome to EC! First of all take a deep breath and just try to relax a bit. It is unfortunate that this happened. Maybe it would help if you would just let it die out on its own. It is quite possible that she said "...I know you are gay" just as a 'joke', which is sad because I don't think friends or anyone else for that matter should be making these kinds of comments. Let her assume what she wants. If she comes up to you again and makes a comment, you could say "you being my friend should know me better" and just leave it at that and continue doing what you were doing. I'm not so sure if she is a friend that you wanna be around all the time anyhow. Trying to talk to her about it, might make it worse. A real friend would respect your wish to keep between the two of you and would not continue making these kinds of comments. If you are not ready to come out yet, don't. You need to feel comfortable and ready to take that step. Go with whatever you feel comfortable with. There is no rush. Don't worry about how you act. Just be yourself. Always! Hope this helps a bit!
Hi there. I can understand how you must feel - this is not an easy thing to deal with and your 'friend' can't possibly understand it herself. As Asteroid said, don't feel rushed to do anything. Be yourself and carry on as you were. I'd also suggest hanging out here for a while. Getting comfortable with being gay yourself goes a long way towards being comfortable with other people knowing you're gay. (or bi) Good luck.
Well, there's a chance that she might just be feeling a bit sour about you not wanting to go out with her. If so, then I wouldn't take it to heart, and she'll probably forget she even said it. If that's not true, however, then everyone else is right, you don't need to rush a thing. This site is fantastic for situations like this, you'll feel a lot more confident about approaching coming out if you hang around here for a bit And as being yourself hasn't given much away YET (and you've been yourself for however many years you've been on this earth ), there's nothing wrong with continuing to be yourself. Good luck (*hug*)
