Quick background summary: I had signs of being gay at around 12. I denied my sexuality until I was about 18 years old. I finally started figuring myself out at 18, accepted I was gay about 6 months ago, and finally think I have the courage to come out soon. Anyways, I originally planned a few months ago to come out during the summer of 2016. It was the best time for several reasons that I will not go into. However, slowly but surely, I came out to a few friends - the total is up to 3 now. I find myself thinking about coming out to my parents and brother all the time. I can't get it off of my mind because I'm simultaneously nervous to see their reaction but also excited to stop living a lie. I'm tired of being asked by family members and friends, "When are you bringing home a girl?" "Any girls catch your eye?" While these are honest and harmless questions, I have to consistently come up with excuses and lies. It's getting quite tiresome and after coming out to three friends, I find myself about to slip more and more. I'm frequently about to say, "That guy is cute," before I stop myself. Nothing would be worse than coming out to my parents by accident. I tend to plan dates to tell people stuff. I did it when I asked out a guy I was really interested in (he turned out to be straight, but that's completely irrelevant). I plan to ask out a gay guy I like in June 2016 (I'll let you know how that goes). And I was set to tell my parents I was gay in June 2016 as well, then I would slowly come out to all my friends. However, i sit here and am proud to say I'll be coming out to my parents in 2 weeks on January 9. I tend to plan speeches when I have big announcements, but when I come out to my parents, I want to be as honest as possible. I want them to understand that this was not my choice - the signs came on really early. I want them to know it is not their fault - they raised me so well and did nothing to cause this. I want them to know I understand this is going to be a big adjustment and it will take a very long time for them to process me being gay. However, I also want them to know I will not accept idiotic comments. When fighting with my dad, he tends to say things out of spite. He is that typical macho, athletic man who sometimes is a teddy bear - haha. I'm waiting for the "You're F*****G GAY" comment to come up in an argument (which obviously means it is an insult). I feel like I will be as honest as possible if I say everything in the moment, without much planned. I know they will have questions, that is what all people have warned me about. I honestly don't know if I have all the answers to those questions at this point, but I will try to answer them to the best of my abilities. I'm scared, excited, nervous, anxious, and 10,000 other things at this point. I imagined myself in the closet the rest of my life, so it's hard to believe how far I've come. It is likely going to be harder for my parents to accept at this point because there really hasn't been any signs of me being gay. I don't plan to come out to more friends until the summer. My family knowing first is most important to me. I don't have many close, close friends in my life. Do I have friends? Definitely, but not bonds where I feeling them knowing is more important than my parents and brother knowing. The three people I told so far are the only people, outside of my family, I want knowing at this point. I just want to thank everyone of Empty Closets for helping me get to this point. Like I said, I joined this site a lost puppy - I was in denial, depressed, lost, and just didn't understand why I had to be gay. I constantly asked myself the question, "Why me?" But being gay is something I'm finally not ashamed of and that is the reason I know I am ready to tell my parents. I'm just waiting until January 9th because I'm trying not to ruin their holidays - lol. Thanks again Empty Closets, I don't know where I would be without this site. Seriously, I don't know where I would be. I'll keep you all updated on how me coming out goes. January 9th seems so far, but so close at the same time. Here is hoping for the best, but at least I know I'm ready. Happy Holidays to all!
