It probably sounds like a stupid question because of course I should tell the person I'm getting engaged to, but if it truly is my last relationship, and I won't be dating anyone else of either sex do I have to tell them? If the answer is yes then how? It just feels awkward for me to try to tell someone I've been dating for a couple of years that I am actually bi.... Or that used to not be interested in the opposite sex at all. I really love this person and can usually tell them anything... I was thinking of coming out to a close friend first to " test the water" so to speak...
Hey, I think the first thing you have to really stop and consider is are you 100% sure that you are bisexual and 100% sure that you are okay with never being intimate with the same sex ever again? I'll share my story a bit. I'll try to give you the short version, but I tend to be verbose so apologies in advance, haha. I identified as gay in my late teens. I was always more attracted to men, and I enjoyed sex with men, and so I was gay. Then I became a little curious about trying sex with a woman. So I did, with a close friend, and we fell in love. I don't doubt that our love was real, but falling in love is never the hard part. We were together for 7 years, during which I was still able to openly identify as mostly gay/bi/whatever and sleep with men with her consent. Then she broke up with me. The next girl I met who I wanted to date, I had decided that I wouldn't tell her I was bi. Because it was "in my past" (mind you, I was still hooking up with guys when we met). She ended up finding out because of a public blog that my ex wrote about me, and it caused a lot of problems in our relationship. She didn't want to date a bisexual man, and she broke up with me a few times over it. But she still loved me and I loved her, and I told her that I was over it. That it was just sex with men, and I could be monogamous to her and that she didn't have to worry. I loved her and that's what mattered. She believed me and we fell in love. And for a time, I was monogamous. But then the need came back. I had to be with men sexually. And I gave in. I hooked up with guys. I still loved her a lot, she was my world, but I couldn't deny myself of my attraction. I mean, I'm still 100% attracted to men and not really attracted to women, though I do find her attractive and of course we have the emotional connection. Then this past summer, I met a guy who I fell in love with. Feelings I never thought I could have for a guy. And it threw my world upside down. Suddenly I had to reconsider everything. Am I gay? Have I just been denying it all this time? Did I just let myself fall in love with a woman because it's what I thought I should do? I do enjoy sex with her, so I can't claim to be 100% gay, but I'm certainly not straight. Even bisexual feels like a lie to use as a word. We were supposed to get married this year, and we did have the ceremony and the reception, but we didn't legally get married. And now she knows that I'm questioning my sexuality, and it's killing her. She's suffering so much watching me deal with this. Knowing that she had these fears 3 years ago and I told her don't worry about it back then. She should have listened to herself. Your potential fiancee definitely deserves to know the risk they are taking. And you need to be sure of who you are before you put that risk on them. I'd love to hear more of your story, how you went from never even having an interest in the opposite sex to wanting to be only with this person for the rest of your life and giving up same sex relations? Because I've been there and told myself the same...and now I've made a mess like nobody's business.
