Hi everyone, I am an 11th grader in an American high school. When I was 12, I noticed I had a sexual attraction towards men. For the next 6 or so years, I would deceive myself into being straight. However, when 11th grade began, there was another guy in my class that I undeniably had feelings for. I really loved him in a way I'd never experienced before. Of course, at first, I denied that I loved him, telling myself that I just wanted to be his friend and that he's a nice kid. It turned out that he was openly gay. My love for him aside, he made me think about homosexuality on a different level than I ever had before—after all, I'd never met an openly gay guy my age. But soon, I admitted it to myself—I am gay. I had to tell someone, otherwise I'd lose my mind. I decided to tell him. I didn't know him very well; we only had one class together, and we never really spoke to each other that much. But one Friday, I went up to him, and asked to meet him after school in the library. I walked in the library so nervous, I could barely walk up to him. When I stood before him, about to come out to him, I just couldn't do it. It was too hard to say it. So I asked him, "How old were you when you found out you're gay?" to start a conversation about the topic. He told me, and then I told him, "a few days ago, I found out that I am too". He looked so happy when I said that. He hugged me and we started talking for a while until he had to go. I texted him later that day to thank him for talking to me. He said that it was no problem and that he was happy I had the courage to come out to him even though we didn't know each other that well. I was really happy that day. The next day, I asked him something, and he replied saying that he was uncomfortable that I came out to him because we didn't know each other that well and that he can't keep talking to me anymore. He even blocked me on Facebook. I was really devastated; talking to him made me feel better about my recently discovered sexuality, and I had no one else to talk to. A couple of weeks later, and he acts normal around me. He won't speak to me or make eye contact with me, but whenever he is next to me, he doesn't do anything unusual. I'm still blocked on Facebook and I don't know what to do. I really wanted to talk to him, but I feel like it would be inappropriate for me to do that anymore given his obvious lack of desire to be friends with me. What should I do?
That's a tough one, it seems that he may not be into you that much? Maybe you were sending him strong signals of wanting to have a relationship with him? Give him some time on his own and let him be for a while. In the mean time can you think of a really good trusting friend that you may want to tell? That is hard to have nobody to talk to about it with. The good news is you had the courage to tell some one, good for you! That must be a pretty big school there must be other gay or bi guys or girls you could talk to? Would you feel comfortable talking to a guidance counselor? You might try that, they may know of a group that you could talk about it with. Maybe that guy will come around but that's up to him. Maybe you could get a gay dating app and see if you could find somebody to talk to there? I hope I was able to help you out somehow, just hang in there and don't let that get to you too much. Good luck!
Try not to take it too hard. he may have some other obscure reason for being distant .. e.g. he has a BF and thinks associating with you is going to spoil things... or ... he fancies someone else and thinks associating with you is going to spoil his chances - or a dozen other scenarios anyway, whatever his reasons, he has not treated you very nicely. he may eventually realise you just want to be friends and his attitude may change and decide to talk in the new year.
I appreciate both of your advices! I never really wanted a relationship with him, to be honest it never would've worked out; I guess I just wanted to be friends and be able to talk to him. There's only one other openly gay kid at my school but I really don't know him well at all so it would be awkward for me to come out to him. I just kind of wish the kid I came out to didn't treat me the way he did... I obviously understand his possible apprehensions but after telling me that he's always there to talk to me it's kind of wrong of him to just completely cut off our friendship. I still have no clue why he did that so abruptly after seeming really nice about the whole thing.
