Okay, first post First of all thanks for the support that ive got from browsing the forums on occasion. Well ive aknowledged that im gay and im waiting for the right time to come out. I did say to myself that i will do it by april otherwise i would just put it off, but then after thinking about it alot i feel ready. Friends wont be a big thingi dont think. I have a guy friend who ive known for years and dont really know his reaction but i dont want to worry about it.Another friends family are catholics and we had a "disagreement" over gay marriage the other day. Next is my best friend. she says she attracts gays..? She loves gay men, sense of humour ect.. (sometimes i get the feeling she is a bit stereotypical.) Her old work friend came out to her a couple of days ago and now she's saying she doesnt want to see her.. I said that her attitude was disgusting and why would you :***: over your friend just because she let you into her life even more than you were before.? Anyway she said she feels uncomfortable around her now an has drifted away from her. She also used to have a big crush on me for ages but i always made excuses for not going out with her. Dont know if she will be happy that im gay so we will become closer than before. (i hope) or be upset behind closed doors because she used to like me.. Parents. When i first thought about comming out to them i was too nervous to think about it. So i put all the gay thoughts to the back of my mind and was the "straight" me for a "while". Dont think mum will be that fussed. Shes always talking about accepting people for who they are ect. (think she has an idea..) Well, my dad i never really thought about. Me and my dad have never really been that close cause he's always working so i was spending more time with my mum and sister. But before we were talking about an old childhood friend i had who has recently came out and he said "It'll be his dads genes that passed it to him.." then me and mum looked at eachother like "wtf?!" an mum was like "He doesnt know what he's speakin about" (to me) an dad goes "well if your brought up like a fucking girl..." I was just like WTF..? went silent and i went upstairs... Now im worried about my dads reaction! I think it will be more of what his friends will think of him as a man... The last thing is i dont knwo how to do it. Ive always thought i'd just get mum and dad while they are together and just have a conversation, but i never thought about what to say or start etc.. I know i cant write a letter cause they will be hurt cause i didnt tell them face to face an i wouldnt feel comfortable doing it that way... So. thats my problems basically. Im out to one person. (the childhood friend). Thanks for reading and any advice would be hugely appreciated!
Well, first off, welcome to EC. Second, I think it's great that you've accepted who you are, and that you feel ready to come out. As for your best friend, was part of the reason she was/is uncomfortable with her work friend because if he work friend is a woman and she's afraid that this woman is going to "hit on her" or something? Could it be that she is naturally more uncomfortable around lesbians and not gays? I don't know what "attracts gays" means, unless it means that she tends to have crushes on them, like she did with you. She may need some time to get used to the idea, and if she's uncomfortable, be sure to remind her that you are the same person that you've always been. Your mom sounds like she'd be great. Your dad may just be misinformed. Maybe it would be good to gather some PFLAG materials for him. Some PFLAG publications can be found here: http://www.patnelsonchilds.com/pflag/pflag.html If you want to tell them face to face perhaps you can practice with your childhood friend that knows, or you could write down what you want to say before you talk that way you have a general idea of what you want to discuss.
maybe you should tell your mum before your dad. she sounds like she would be very receptive and might help you tell your dad. i also think you should tell them face to face if you don't want to write a letter. nothing wrong with writing a letter but if you feel like afterwards you will feel bad for not having told them straight up, then maybe tell them straight up. doesn't have to be together though. HTH and good luck
Yeah i think this might be the reason why. She tells people she "attracts gays" by meaning every new friend she makes tends to be gay. Like her friends from her first job was in the bank etc. I think thats what she means anyway, lol. Thats a good idea, I'll try them out and see how i feel. I had a dream that i came out to my best friend last night and she was okay with it. Thanks for your advice and i feel much better now. Thanks to Ajax aswel.
First off - welcome to EC! You'll find this a great place to voice your concerns and your fears. It helps just to get things off your chest. There's no rush to coming out. Doing it in person would likely be best, and doing it with your mom first might be a good idea. Your dad might need some work. Remember that you've had a long time to come to terms with this issue, and your parents haven't. They'll need to warm up to the idea, which might take a while. Good luck, and welcome!
mmk so your friend that "attracts gays" should be fine, i think she just felt uncomfortable with the idea of a woman being attracted to her and would be ok with you being gay. Parents? I would tell you mom first, and then she could help you tell your dad if you want to tell him. But Its not your place to worry what your dad's friends will think of him if you are gay. Its not his fault and coming out is about YOU not them. You have to do it or not do it for yourself. Good luck and let us know what you do
