Yesterday I came out to my mum in a letter. Afterwards she came to my room and after we talked about random stuff for a few minutes she said "I don't really know what to say about your letter. The best would be not to say anything." I said something along those lines of "great approach" then she said the only thing she could think of saying was that we should wait 3 months and then see if I still feel the same way. I said I didn't want to wait any longer before going to a psychologist, because I had already thought about this for a long time. Today we just acted like nothing had happened.. She continues to call me my birth name. We briefly talked about it when she asked me since when I had felt this way. (She made it sound pretty ridiculous and not like she honestly believed me) Later on when she was doing laundry she said "Why do I have to fold Oscar's boxers now?" (We had talked about if she liked the name before (she doesn't) and she was talking about my new first boxers) I asked her why she talked about it like it was a different person and she said "I'm not going to say anymore about this." So yeah. That was great. I mean I assumed it would be awkward and stuff but I thought we'd have like a sit-down or something. I guess we're both not the best at talking about heavy stuff.. I don't know I just feel really uncomfortable and like I should just take it back and go back to living my "normal girl life" because she makes me feel like I'm really weird or something. Any help? Even if you don't, I'd just like to have someone to talk to about this because I don't really have anyone right now.. When I talk to my friends about my trans related feelings it always ends up in a fight because I say something that offends them or they say stuff that hurts me.
Hello, When you were living the ''normal girl life'' did you enjoy doing any of the things you did from there with your mum? If so, perhaps do those things with her when you can to show that the things you have enjoyed haven't changed. Perhaps see if there is a second name she can come up with that she might like? Reason being is when a baby is born, it is the parents who get to choose the name they like and fits their baby so having a second name that she gets to choose might help her see you as her son. Maybe explain to her that one of the reasons she might have having a hard time understanding it is because she's cisgender and female and so has never felt what someone who is transgender or male feels. Tell her this is okay because we all have our own [gender] identity, but we must learn to accept other's identity and also [try to] understand the identity from the other people even if we can't feel it for ourselves as we do not feel that way. But if nothing of this works, perhaps it's best just to wait the three months. I know this might be difficult but it might be the only way to get her to accept.
Well.. The thing is I don't know if I want anything to change. I'm not really good at serious talking and I don't think I could convince her of me being serious. I hate not fitting in. I hate other people thinking I'm weird.. So I think I'm most likely to just acting like nothing happened even though it's not the best thing to do and probably not the thing that I want. Also my sister's still around for a few weeks and she doesn't know about me. She hardly suspects it though. Our relationship is not bad. Today we watched some tv and stuff, it wasn't really different to what we normally do. Ugh. I don't know what I want. She said she thought the name was old-fashioned.. But I guess since she doesn't really take any of this seriously she's not going to be bothered by the name anyways, since she's not going to use it. The good thing is that I found a self help group near me and their next meeting is on january 8th. I told my mum about it and she said I could go. (She was really akward tho) I'd also like a psychologist just for me and have one in mind I found on the internet but I haven't told her about it. I asked her to go see The Danish Girl with me (It's about a Transwoman played by Eddie Redmayne if you don't know it) and she agreed I think maybe she'll understand it better afterwards..
You can't let parents ignore it or sweep it under the rug. My mom constantly says "there was no indication of this". And there often isn't. But you can't let her ignore it. Try to educate her. Get some sort of advocate or 3rd party. That helped a lot with my parents and my relationship.
It sounds like she's still trying to cope with it to me. That's the state my dad is in right now- my mom outed me to him about a week ago and he's kind of in shock... He doesn't want to talk about it when I try to bring things up. I think sometimes, parents just need a little time to come to terms with having a trans child. That isn't to say you should hush up on it, because you definitely shouldn't- talk to her about it whenever you can. I'm just saying that you should allow yourself to be patient with her while she adjusts.
