I'm one of those people who has a successful career, beautiful wife and amazing daughter. But, of course, I haven't been all that happy. Finally, about six months ago, I finally looked in the mirror and admitted that I'm gay. (It was an amazingly relief to admit it out loud.) I came out to my wife, and we're trying to sort it all out. On the one hand, we both love our daughter more than anything and have managed a pretty happy home. On the other, neither of us is truly fulfilled. It's probably only a matter of time before our marriage spins out of control. We've talked about counseling, but it doesn't seem like it could have much benefit in light of all this. What I know is that when I'm traveling and stop by gay bars I'm comfortable and, for a short time, feel like I can be myself.
You already did 2 of the hardest things. You admitted your feelings to yourself. You also told your wife. I congratulate you on both. I think counseling is still a good idea. Not to try to change what you can't change. But to help you & your wife decide the best course of action. I wish you the best of luck on your journey. And...welcome to EC! This is a great place to also just be yourself.
If you're gay and both you and your wife feel unfulfilled being in the marriage you have, I don't think counseling is really going to improve that part of your relationship. It might help with other issues you have and it may help you to become closer and figure out where to go from here, but I don't think it will "fix" your marriage persay. By the way, how old is your daughter? Does she know that you're gay?
Hi there and welcome to EC from a guy that was in your very situation not that long ago. My wife and I split - it was initially her decision, but I've come to accept it as being the best thing for everyone involved. Our situation was slightly different, but I can reasure you that: There is life after separation You don't need to come out to the world just because you and your wife split You don't need to come out to your daughter right away either You and your wife can still continue to be very good friends Counselling would be a good idea - not to 'save' the marriage, but to ensure you continue to communicate effectively, for the sake of your daughter if nothing else You both would very likely be better parents becuase you'll both be happier Having been in your situation, and as a Moderator here, feel free to send me a private message if you want to chat further. Otherwise, welcome to EC and good luck in your transition into the next phase of your life. (*hug*)
My daughter is very young, too young to understand. That's probably a good thing because she should adapt fairly easily if we both focus on creating a loving, supportive environment for her. One of the fears I've had is that if we split up, that could start a cascade of dramatic life changes, including some challenges in my professional life. To the extent we could separate without coming out to everyone at the same, it could be much more manageable.
I was in very much the same position. My daughters are young, and they adapted fairly well to mom and dad living separately. We both have their best interests at heart. And as per my PM to you, it wasn't necessary to come out to people because you've split from your wife. The sad fact is that MANY marriages fail for many different reasons. Splitting with your wife won't seem too odd, even if you appeared to get along to others. It will mean a number of changes in your life - but shouldn't necessarily mean a change in your professional life. A new home, new friends, new opportunities, new parenting responsibilities. But it's all very doable, and can be all positive if you work on it.
