Ok, so, if you havent read one of my past posts about my parents / dog / general situation, you can find them burried in the support forum. Here is a quick re-cap though: Parents are not re-acting well to my coming out, ontop of that they are getting rid of my dog due to allergic reactions from my mother. The dog thing is final. Basically, i just spent the last hour screaming at my dog and crying so hard i think i hurt something. Ive been getting SO mad at...i dunno what, life i guess? maybe my parents, maybe the dog, i dunno. But ive been SCREAMING because my dog loves me SO much and cant stand even being away from me. Im normally the same way, but now that i know the dog has to go i cant even LOOK at him because a peice of my heart just dies right then and there. So i go from running around screaming, slaming doors, to sitting in my room, CRYING very load and rolling around on the floor like a crazy person. When i do that its just a flood of depression and sadness flowing through me like a river i cant stop. Its just SO overwhelming to know the dog HAS to go, but i dont know WHEN he is going. I cant savor the last moments with the dog because they make everything 100x worse. This is not all, alas. Every day i get to a point, after all the yelling and crying, were i just...stop. Literally, i stop. No emotions, no feelings, no pain, no hunger, no will to move, no ANYTHING. I sit on the ground and i dont even think. I just kinda...stare. Its like i hit my emotion peak and there is nothing left of me at all. During that time i kinda scare myself. Even my voice changes, along with everything else. Its hard to explain but its not a good thing i dont think. So basically, its this horrible Cycle... ANGER > SADNESS > NOTHING ...and it keeps going on and on. I just finished the sadness stage, and im going from "calm" to "nothing" as i type. I dunno why im really even posting this all, because its not like there is anything i can do about the dog. Hes going, and i cant get another pet. There are NO options. I have spent hours upon hours trying, along with some friends of mine, and there just is nothing i can do. That makes things even worse. Im STUCK like this. I cant move out of this because there is nothing to look forward to or to get better. Im going to be pet-less for, at the least, 2 years. I dont have anything to full the void of "pet" like a boyfriend, because of my living situation, and i rely on my rich parents for alot still so getting a new living situation is not an option now either. I wish it was though, cause i hate my parents with a passion currently. I just really, DONT know what to do. And now, my tears are all dried up and i cant feel a thing. I hate this stage the most because i become a totally different person. Im normally full of emotions and that shapes me, but without them i become like a mirror image of myself. :bang:
Do you have a place for your dog to go,where you can see him,once in a while? I know it is awful to have to get rid of him. I have a dog,too and I would surely fall apart too,if I had to give her up. I think you should try and concentrate on getting the hell out of your house. I know you depend on your parents,but that is why they can continue to control your life. Even if you had to get a crappy job and rent a room,it would be better than what you're going through,now. I don't know if you can do this,but you've got to do something to get away from all that. Your mental health is suffering. That's why your emotions are so screwed up. That's all the advice I can give to you. And...maybe see a therapist. I wish you luck,sweetie. Please do whatever you can to make your life easier. p.s. Feel free to contact me if you want to talk. That's what I'm here for.
I'm so sorry honey. I don't know how to help with the dog situation since you said it's final. But, if you wanted to be aeround animals do you think it would be possible for you to volunteer at a shelter or something? As for yur cycles and your home life, is there anyone you can talk to? Maybe a friend, a teacher or a counselor at school? Hang in there. Things will get better, even if it doesn't seem like it. We're all here for you, to try and help you. And, if you ever want to talk you can always PM me or any of the other advisors. (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)
Ugh, im so lame Now all of a sudden im feeling HAPPY?!?! Ugh... I guess watching Doctor Who fixes any mood im in, but still, sometimes i dont get me at all...
I'm going through this myself right now. We had a big layoff and several of my close friends were laid off. I am very close to one of the guys laid off he is going to retire and move away. It really sucks, because were like a big family, so it has hit me pretty hard. I've noticed the same emotional roller coaster you mention. In fact it is the same damn cycle I went through when I was coming out. Ugh... all I can say is stop the world I want to get off. The only advise I can give is just to let yourself feel the emotions. I stayed home tonight just because I needed to stay home and be sad and angry. I think it has helped just to let it come out. Do find someone to talk to, it does help. I'm taking Friday off and I may do a half day tomorrow as I need some alone time. Really what this is, we are grieving for our loses. I don't what to say other than this sucks.
Love is love ,I really feel for you .I know that roller coaster of emotions I have been there myself. It is good to talk and off load ,if you have no one you can be with to talk or hold then come here and let rip .We can't compensate for the loss of your dog and unconditional love and comfort that a pet can bring ,but we will try . take care
As someone that posted in that thread you mention, I'm a little frustrated with this one. You never responded to any of the suggestions that were offered. Why weren't any of those suggestions any good? You've not really included in this new thread any new information about your situation... Subjecting your mother to allergies doesn't seem fair to her. Screaming at your dog doesn't seem fair to it. Why do YOU think you're so upset about all this? I'd suggest you try to just settle down a little, because running around, slamming doors and screaming at the top of your lungs sounds like a temper tantrum that my 5 year old doesn't even do any more. I'd also suggest you ask your parents about you getting counselling. If they aren't interested in helping you with that, then perhaps you could seek that out through some kind of community service organization or your school. At your age you should be able to deal with your emotions better than you are, and getting some therapy would be wise. I found it extremely beneficial in my case. I don't want to sound harsh. But I want to point out that you need to take responsibililty for your own behaviour and emotions. Just because your parents don't support you doesn't give you the right to lose control or act irrationally. Not at all. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat futher about this.
Wow Jim..that was kind of uncalled for and mean... Sorry about not responding to some of the ideas on the threads, but i have in many PM's and chat though. Ive been keeping alot of the convo to that now, because i do realise this is my third thread. They were not all posted the same day, nor contained any of the same info (i checked). Just know i read everyones posts, and even if i did not reply i thought about them all and i am so thankful for every response. About "being able to control my emotions" i think thats kind of a cheep blow personally, cause i dont think thats fair to say that because im 18 i shouldent yell or cry. This, i think i said it, is NOT a common thing for me. It was just for about an hour. It was a breaking point for me, and if anyone cares to know its over now (atleast this one roller coaster is). I fully understood keeping a dog was NOT a possibility, because my mother is allergic. This is exactly WHY i felt so bad. I was not going to subject my mother to that for my own gain, it was not going to happen. It was like the saying "between a rock and a hardplace" because either way, someone hurts. There was no getting around us both not being hurt by this. But yes, enough of that, i would just like to personally thank everyone who posted, PM'ed me, Chat Room'ed me, or otherwise. I got alot of really good support, advice and ideas from people. Sorry again for maybe not replying to EVERY single idea or question posted on the threads, but i honestly did not just post this thread to ignore everyones ideas. I read them ALL after the fact, and even if i didnt reply personally, i thought about it. So thank you everyone. I did end up fixing some things, and even talking to my parents about it. I have a new plan set out for what to do, and if anyone cares to hear about that you can PM me.
Glad you have managed to talk and sort somethings out , hope it gets better for you. please post more when you feel like it . A lot of us out here worry about you and not all can pm or join in the chat rooms.
Jim,you made a valid point,however like was said,people did talk to love is love,in pms and in the chat room. Just because somebody doesn't respond to every post,doesn't mean they are being rude or not telling the whole story. I personally would rather pm someone when the thread is a highly emotional one,such as love's. It's direct and a little more personal. Love needs our help,not criticism. Btw,I'm 47 and at times I have emotional overloads and need to vent. I think this is just what he was doing. I tend to yell,slam things,etc. And I think I am far from immature.
Thanks Mickey, and im doing alot better today starfish I took the day off too to go out with friends and it was amazing!
Glad to hear you are feeling better. I call days like yesterday a mental health day, because it is amazing how just a day away from everything can help get your head back on straight.
