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What a rush!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by landofconfusion, Jan 3, 2016.

  1. landofconfusion

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    So today was the day I finally decided to tell someone about my sexuality. I only finally discovered myself after contemplating it for hours, whilst listening to some music. As I began to share my issue with her (she is a lesbian herself), my heart sank since I'd never spoke about my feelings like that to anyone before. It turned out really well and we had a really nice chat. I told her it was a great 'counselling' session and it really helped.

    The only thing now, is coming out to my parents. Something I may not be able to do for a while. Any advice guys?
     
  2. brainwashed

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    There's a myriad of ways to come out to your parents - that I've heard of. I've heard about a hard copy letter. I've heard about sitting them down and telling them. I've heard about showing the parents a YouTube video about human sexuality, then telling them. I've heard about telling one then letting that one tell the other. I've heard about texting. I've heard about voice phoning.

    Looking at your age, 14, I suggest the eased in approach. Sitting them down and telling them, at this stage of my life, mom, dad, I believe I'm gay. This is not an absolute, since I'm 14. I'm in the "explore and discover" phase of my sexuality. Who knows where this game of life is going to take me. I ask four your love and support.

    Now I know all to well the "ease in approach" makes you sound like a politician, cough, cough, spit, spit, but hey, easing into things works.

    Later man
     
    #2 brainwashed, Jan 3, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2016
  3. Billy the kid

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    Well first of congratulations on coming out! It is great that you have a friend to talk to about this.
    So now you want to tell your parents. You are fourteen so you have plenty of time to tell them. Do some research and take some time to figure out the best plan for you. Check out some videos of other people doing it. Read some posts here to get some more ideas. As long as you are ready yourself to come out to them is when you should come out. I personally think they should be told in person. Ask if they have some time to sit down and talk with you. I don't like when people text or tell someone over the phone, to me it doesn't seem that personal. To each their own though. Good luck
     
  4. landofconfusion

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    I don't know if I would like the confrontation of talking to them, considering I would probably break down half way through telling them since I'm a very sensitive person when it comes to stuff like this. I'd still feel insanely nervous even if I did it inconspicuously, just the thought of doing it kills me. I would rather do it sooner than later though, then I don't have to go long with wondering if my parents will accept me or not. There isn't a reason why they shouldn't, though.
     
  5. NateC7

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    Hmm, what if you told one parent at a time? That could make things easier? Another couple of ideas:
    1. Write down what you want to say when you come out to your parents. Use it as a support in case you find yourself at a loss for words.

    2. You've said you told a friend of yours. I'm sure your friend would be happy to support you. She could be present at the time you come out to your parents. This won't work though if she's not out already.

    I hope these help a little. And like the other people said, you're 14 years old. You have plenty of time to do this.
     
  6. landofconfusion

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    I could do it that way however it may seem suspicious for the other parent if I want a private chat with only one of them. My main fear is simply rejection. If rejection was out of the question, I'd go and do it now but it is a great factor in coming out. I'm definitely gay which I have proved to myself by just wanting to be, and there's going to be no changing me which adds to that rejection fear. Any way I can perhaps suppress the fear?
     
  7. NateC7

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    Ah well...my family is actually pretty liberal (save for some members on my dad's side) so I didn't really have any fears. I understand the being suspicious about a private chat thing. How likely is it, in your opinion, that they might reject you?

    It may also be better to give it more time before you come out to them since you're still so young. I mean I think you should try experiencing being gay, not just feeling gay, before you come out to your parents. I don't know if that's possible in your situation but it is just an idea.
     
  8. landofconfusion

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    Yeah, at this age it would be quite hard to find someone who's out there and is willing for a relationship. I guess it would also require some level of intimacy, not just the usual relationships you have at my age. I don't feel that it is likely that my parents will reject me but it's just the fear since no one can be 100% safe from it unless their parents are gay themselves.
     
  9. DRex

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    Telling parents is really the hardest. Although I started questioning my sexuality in 2007/2008, accepted I was bisexual in 2009, and started coming out to my friends over the next year, it wasn't until the spring of 2011 that I felt ready to tell my parents. I did so mainly because I was about to attempt a relationship with a trans girl and wanted to gauge their possible reactions to that.

    I did that by going out that day and leaving a note for them to find. I told them (correctly) that it contained the time I would be back that afternoon, so that it was important for them to read it. I was nervous when I returned at the end of the day, wondering what their reaction would be, but as it turned out they didn't seem to care and told me that it wasn't really any of their business as long as I was happy.

    However, the same cannot be said of their reaction to my then-girlfriend. They were courteous upon meeting her, but afterward when I was alone with them they gave me a really serious lecture on how shocked they were and how they foresaw serious problems with the future of the relationship. My dad refused to even interact with her at all afterward, saying "I don't understand it, and I don't want to understand it." I also don't think he ever referred to her using pronouns. My mom was a bit better; she at least used she/her when talking about her and took the time to talk with her. However, she also stated that she'd rather I was dating "a real girl" and expressed concern over our safety.

    Thankfully, they seem to have changed their attitude more recently, I am dating a different trans girl now, and my dad now refers to her with the correct pronouns (though he seems really concerned that I don't know "her real name" and haven't asked). Both of them have taken it fairly well this time.
     
    #9 DRex, Jan 4, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2016