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I came out. Advice needed concerning the reaction.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Kodo, Jan 3, 2016.

  1. Kodo

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    As some of you may know, I came out this morning to my mother via a letter. She responded to me with a text, which was mixed in effect and ended with her imploring me to seek a Christian counselor. I am conflicted as to whether I should accept this, for obvious reasons. Do you think I should, and if not what should I say to her?
     
  2. mbanema

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    No. Offer to go to a counselor of your choosing with her if that's something you're okay with, but don't accept going to a Christian counselor who is likely to take your mom's side and dismiss your feelings.
     
  3. Matto_Corvo

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    When someone suggest to see a Christian counselor I tend to advise against it. As person above says, agree to see a counselor but one of your chosen.
     
  4. Michael

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    ... Man, Kodo, why did you had to come out to your mother?!...

    A Christian counselor? I'd rather go to a good doctor... Gender has nothing to do with faith, and everything to do with medical advice.

    If I were you, I'd talk to my father, try at least to get some ally... I hope I'm wrong, but I see troubles coming for you, and not the good kind... I'm sorry, but you should have talked to your father as I told you, never to your mother... For girls that is the way that (generally speaking) works best, but not for boys, and this is not my bias speaking, but proven facts...
     
  5. Kodo

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    You have a point, and I do still have an opportunity to tell him separately from my mother. How would you suggest going about this? We are not close, and he is a stern, reserved man (personality type INTJ if that makes any difference).

    I was hesitant, mostly out of intimidation. In the past, extended family members with "theological differences" have been disowned. And this is viewed as a theological difference in my family, not a medical one.
     
    #5 Kodo, Jan 3, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2016
  6. pasinhose

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    Do not seek a counselor and do not apologize for who you are. You took a brave step and there is no manual on how to tell family or friends. And as I have found out, once the genie is out of the bottle, its out forever. As a friend told me when I came out to her, that I am still the same person with the same personality traits and likes and dislikes - sexuality is irrelevant.

    Kodo, we are here for you.
     
  7. Michael

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    With a simple, straightforward : 'I have a problem and I need help, can you help me?' Then explain you are trans, you came out to your mother and what she said. Simple, straightforward.

    I've found this to work as I came out. Yes, I was way older than you, and I have a great relationship with my father, but we never did feelings, and I'm known to be all but open about myself, so it wasn't easy for me to go with the whole story, you know, but once I went through, it was done. He needed a bit of time to process it, but things turned out damned well.

    My mother has no clue, due to the fact I don't speak to her anymore. I'm not planning to tell her anything anytime soon. We were never close, and I've been financially independent since I was 17.

    If you are still living with her or financially dependent on her in any way, then you might be in troubles. You need to go to your father and come out. You need a friend right now, specially since you might have an enemy, and I hope I'm wrong, I don't wish you any harm...

    Yes, when I heard about the Christian counselor I was afraid it might be so.
    Go talk to your father. No letters or sms, a real conversation face to face, or at least on the phone, but if you can, just go and see him. Better you are first to explain yourself, before your mother does. Simple and straightforward words, that's all. You might need to explain the facts, he might not be familiar with transgenders, then just answer the questions by using simple, short answers, don't try to explain it all at once. Just facts.

    You've got nothing to be ashamed of, so don't let her or anyone push you around, remain calm. As the guy said, we'll be here for you.
     
  8. DreamerBoy17

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    Wow, I'm so sorry that she reacted that way. I wouldn't see the counselor. To me, that sounds like she's talking about "reparative" therapy, which is fraudulent and ineffective.
    I think you need to be straightforward with her. This is your life, you can't let your family stand in the way of who you are.
     
  9. FootballFan101

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    Don't go to a Christian conselour. Its ok to go to a conselour who is christain but leaves faith out of it though
     
  10. resu

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    Like others have said, it may be too easy for a Christian counselor to bring socially conservative views into the picture. Actually, I think you should look carefully at any counselor because not all of them are equipped to deal with LGBT issues. Those that do will specifically state that.