Well, I'm coming out this weekend to my family, either Saturday or Sunday depending on this decision. I was completely ready to tell my parents I'm gay on Saturday. I have denied my sexuality for most of my teenage years, but I gradually started to accept myself and I've finally reached the point where I'm not ashamed to be gay. Telling my parents is going to be hard, but I felt they deserved to be told in person. However, I woke up this morning at 7AM (on a day I was supposed to sleep in) and started getting really nervous. I have felt very prepared to tell them, but then I thought about everything that could go wrong. I thought about not saying everything I want to, not being happy with my parents initial reaction, a fight starting and words being said between my family and I that we will both eventually regret. So now I've considered a letter. I'm going out for a few hours on Sunday morning, so I figured I would leave the letter on the kitchen table, give them a little time to process everything, and then we could talk about it when I get home. Just FYI, I really don't think they are expecting it at this point, I haven't given many signs. But does sending a letter make me pathetic or weak for not saying it to their faces? I'm confused at this point and any opinions would be appreciated. Thanks!
I've always found writing to be better. You can prepare every point you want to make in advance and don't have to worry about forgetting anything in the heat of the moment. Much less awkward that way, and you can get all your feelings out there at once.
Now I told my parents in person for different reasons: 1. I'm a little older and it ended my marriage and I lost my home. 2. My mom has a habit of talking me out of telling my father things so I just wanted to get it all done in one shot. That being said, I think doing it in writing does both you and your parents some service. This way you're giving them time to process the information and analyze their feelings and come to you with an honest well thought out response. You're also acknowledging that you'll be talking with them in person soon. Also you'll have to commit to coming out where as for me, bringing it up in the middle of conversation was brutal.
Writing a letter does not make you pathetic or weak. If you think that that is the easiest/best way for you and them, then you should do it that way. You will still have to talk to them about it, and writing a letter makes it easier to do.
It wouldn't have to necessarily be in the form of a letter. It's a good idea, but actually saying it out loud does help a great deal. You could write the letter, read it aloud to your parents and/or use it as support. As already said above, it helps organize your thoughts and keep a clear message.
There are pros and cons to both approaches, but the best one is the one you'll actually go through with. Trust me, you don't want to find reasons to put it off because it gets more and more difficult the longer you wait. I actually kind of like the written approach. It gives you a chance to clearly articulate exactly what you want to say without being interrupted and it will give your parents time to digest the news and give real thought to how they want to respond rather than risk saying something they might come to regret. Good luck!
