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Coming Out to a Kinda Homophobic Friend?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Jayney89, Jan 5, 2016.

  1. Jayney89

    Jayney89 Guest

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    Location:
    Somewhere over the rainbow.
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    So, I've had this friend for about six or seven years, pretty much ever since I was around eight or nine. I'd say that we're pretty close, even though we don't have too much time to see each other what with her going to public school, and me being stuck in homeschool.

    But here's the tricky part. She's very, very religious, and isn't too accepting of the LGBT community in general. For example, a few years ago when I was still figuring myself out and exploring my sexuality, we were at summer camp together. Somehow, the subject of gay people came up, and she was being pretty harsh about it. I had said "Well, it's still love, though." I distinctly remember her immediately looking at me with a disgusted look on her face, before saying "Ew! I can't be best friends with someone who thinks that's okay!" I was completely surprised by that and ended up lying through my teeth, claiming that it was just a joke and I was only kidding.

    Fast forward a year or two into the future, where I had started becoming more comfortable with being a lesbian, and had come out to myself, my mom, my dad, and my sister. One night when I was talking to said friend (let's just call her H), the topic of gay people came up again. For some reason, H started talking about how being gay was a sin and was wrong, and I ended up getting so upset by what she said that I ended up blurting out "Well, what if I'm gay?" She seemed disgusted again, and I ended up just saying I was kidding again and that was that. She still seemed grossed out and ended up giving the phone to her sister. (I'm also friends with her.)

    A lot more incidents like that came up, but I'm in a bit of a rush and don't have enough time to write them all down.

    Finally, fast forward to a few months ago. I was, once again, talking to H on the phone, and the subject of her gay friend came up. She was talking about how her female friend had a girlfriend, and how she thought it was gross and a sin. She even said that she didn't want to touch her (hugging, stuff like that) because she was a lesbian.

    It broke my heart to hear her still talk like that, and I don't know what to do. I really don't want to keep pretending to be straight, but I'm kind of afraid to lose her. She's one of my oldest friends, but I really want to just tell her, and not hide this part of me anymore. Any advice? Part of me feels like it's selfish to not pretend to be straight and risk losing the friendship, and I really don't know what to do. I was planning on calling her to talk about it, but now I'm not so sure. :icon_sad:
     
  2. VampireGrin

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Detroit
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    That's a tough situation to be in. I personally think you should tell her sooner rather than later. Based on what you've said, I highly doubt she'll take it well so brace yourself for that. You've been friends for 7 years. If she's a friend worth keeping, she'll eventually come around. Don't go into it thinking you're going to lose her. There's a good chance you won't.
     
  3. OnTheHighway

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Friends are there to be supportive and accepting of each other, no matter whom they are. If they can not be, whats the point of being friends?
     
  4. Rubysaphire

    Regular Member

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    My best suggestion is to tell her. I know it may be hard but still. A true friend will accept you for who you are. And their friendship will be unconditional. If she cannot accept you for who you are she never was a friend to begin with.
     
  5. Rxley

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Melboure, Australia
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    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    I had a similar situation, and this may not work for you, depending on your situation I told her "this is who I am, and if you still want to be friends with, you need to put up with it"

    aha, I am quite a straightforward person. Good luck with your friend!