Mid 20s and still confused :)

Hi kind people,

I have reached somewhat of a crossroads in my life. I ended up kind of wasting my teen years and early 20s by focusing entirely on study and career goals so didn't go out or meet many people (that's not necessarily a bad thing for some people but I am an extremely private person so I am now older and finding it challenging to meet people). I also am a serial perfectionist and anxious person who worries about every potential negative outcome of every situation - and I obsess about random things. I unfortunately care too much about what people think even though I say I don't. I have reached a point where I am unhappy and no longer have things to work for like I previously did.

Adding to the mix, I never "came out". I have only recently accepted in myself that I am at least bisexual (some days I feel straight, some days I feel gay...kind of unsure - but I am attracted to both genders) but in doing so I have realised I have completely rejected any potential relationships with anyone that I could have maybe tried with through self-sabotage due to a feeling of guilt. I guess I have always knew I was 'different' but have always felt confused. I feel like I am living a lie and would feel really bad if I involved anyone in that - the fact that my sexuality fluctuates makes it worse.

I have an extremely conservative family who have done a lot for me and unfortunately they come from a different time and I am fairly certain that they would not accept me if I came out. I am also very close to them so I would be really sad if they did this . I also would not have my sexuality public knowledge regardless of whether I was gay/straight/bi/whatever because as I mentioned, I am a private person and it's my business but....

Please help me fix my life! now I feel like I have a couple of options:
- Come out as bisexual to people close to me.
- Continue to keep it to myself and punish myself further but keep others happy and be forever alone (this is sadly what my gut tells me to do but I know it's the wrong answer...it's also the easiest for someone like me as I am kind of introverted)
- Decide to be 'straight' (I know this is a silly notion and I'm not saying it's a choice - but for example if I was in a relationship with someone I would never cheat as I am a loyal person).
- Decide to be 'gay' and come out to people close to me (as above..but maybe being bisexual would be more accepted in this scenario).

Sorry for the long post - has anyone else been in a situation like this and can give me some guidance? I don't want to be forever alone .

Thank you! :icon_bigg