I know that this might be a little weird, and I hope that I do not offend anyone. It's just that I'm "backing out" again. Some have seen my introductory thread and have been very supportive. It is very much appreciated (it better explains my story that this little tidbit). I'm at that stage once again here I wonder, is it really worth it, is that really me?! I mean...I could just get married, or just stay single. It would just be easier... I'm saying this as I've only recently, very recently come to terms with my sexuality, but I have once again started pushing back, going back into the proverbial closet. I usually do this when certain guys hit on me (i.e. insist...I don't mind people checking me out because I am quite the looker. If you're hot, you're hot...and I am!! Lol!! It's more when they get pushy that I put up walls), or I see the very stereotypical gay guy (like posting duck face pictures online). I have nothing against them, and have always admired their boldness, and courage. I once had the most effeminate student who saw himself as the next Lady Gaga. I was my favourite teacher because I never judged him, I was the only teacher who referred to him as he wanted (Lady Gaga) and never once asked him to tone it down. However, seeing that reminds me that I do not fall under the stereotype (as do many of us). Nevertheless, I can't help wonder if that's all that is out there, because that is mostly what I see. If so, I'm not attracted to them. I am very conservative and I cannot ever see myself in a relationship with someone like that. I prefer "masculine" (although masculinity is subjective) men...However it drives me crazy when I see guys (even masculine guys) saying things like "Woof" and making very suggestive remarks...or even when they post selfies of their upper bodies in weird poses. I ask myself if that is the world I am entering...and if it is, it's frightening because that's nothing like me. As such, I see that I am putting that wall back up again, wondering if I should just be alone because that is not me. This happens quite often...I can go a few days being fine, accepting of myself and even feel good about it...but other times, like now, I question it all. I hope that was clear...and not offensive to anyone (because that is not my intention). I'm just having a really hard time with it today.
You shouldn't not come out because of stereotypes. It might seem like the majority of gays are like that, but those are just the ones who make it more apparent. Yes, some people are going to look at you differently after coming out and assume you're a stereotype. I remember shortly after coming out to my roommate, he asked me "so are you gonna start doing your hair like a unicorn and start dressing different?". Now that I've been out to him for a while he realizes what an ignorant and offensive thing that was to say. But anyways, coming out is tough but totally worth it. I don't know many people who regret it. Nothing is worse than hiding who you are, being ashamed of it, and lying to everyone. Since you've recently come to terms with your sexuality I'm sure you'll figure it out and stop backing out. Good luck!
Thanks...I really hope so, because I'm starting to be plagued with doubt. It's just "safer" going the other route. And no, if you were to ask, I can honestly say that I am not bi. Never in my life have I been attracted to a woman. I conditioned myself to react to women when in groups, but it there was no veracity to it. I have always looked at guys, but had never allowed myself to "accept" my feelings about guys. I would block that out because it was "taboo" and as such, I would feel nothing. I once thought that I was asexual, or just empty on the inside.
I went through all of that too. Just 3 years ago I couldn't admit to myself that I was gay, and when I finally did I thought I would never in a million years end up coming out. Sure it's safer and easier to stay in the closet but no one can live like that and not end up completely miserable. Feel free to message me!
Original poster: I was in your same shoes 3-4 years ago. Nothing about me felt "gay" at all, other than liking guys. The thing to understand is A LOT of gay guys are not stereotypical. I'm not at all. There are certainly gay guys who fit the stereotype, and that's great. Just be yourself. I struggled with this for some time "how can I be gay if I'm into sports and listen to heavy metal?" No matter how much hockey I play, it doesn't magically make me interested in girls. The only thing that makes you gay is who you're attracted to. As for coming out, if it's safe for you to do so, there are a lot of advantages. My mental health improved dramatically after coming out. I'm much less stressed out (over who could find out, watching my pronouns when meeting new people, etc.). Not feeling ashamed for hitting on a guy or mentioning my relationships is another huge plus. Letting go of a feeling of shame is an incredibly liberating thing.
Thanks VampireGrin and guitar. Your comments are very much appreciated. Vampire Grin, I might message you for a little advice, if it's still okay with you?! I'm now wondering...I have more or less accepted that I am gay. What now?! How do I go about everything?! I know that there is no "How to" guide for this, and each story is different...but what in the world am I to do now?! Not planning on screaming it to the masses...however I'd like to start meeting guys (like me), but I don't know the first thing to doing it. I do think however that before I do that, I should get over this impasse that I have have created.
I'm still switching all the time between accepting who I am, and just thinking I could just pretend, get a girlfriend, and live the heteronormative live. But I know it wouldn't make me happy. For some people it seems so evident to come out to everyone, but I feel me this a very very long road that I'm only staring now. However, I have hope someday I'll get there, and can finally live the life that would make me happy. I stopped backing out myself now finally ,but the progress of trusting other people is going very very slowly. Wish you all the best in your journey.
Yes!! Exactly! It is so hard...I still often think about just living the "typical" life, because I know that I can. I would be happy, but it would be a different type of happiness. Something would just be missing... And I do admire those who "own their sexuality"...I often wonder if I'll ever made it to that stage, because for now it seems "impossible". What also makes it a bit difficult are the guys (who don't know that I also like guys) who not only hit on me, but are persistent to the point where it gets annoying...no respect for my wishes...And seeing that that is all that I see (wow, a lot of "that's"!! Lol!!), I wonder if that's all that there is out there, if there are no other options. If so, I may as well not bother. But then I think that, if I am the way I am, maybe, just maybe there is someone like me, for me. All the best to you as well in your journey!! Hope one day you'll be posting that you've fond the one.
Hi! Take your time telling about your sexuality, and only tell ppl if it feels right in the gut. I also find it hard to accept not being straight, but try to have accepting ppl around me. Own your sexuality, don´t let your sexuality own you! I sometimes feel that my sexuality owns me, and that´s not a pleasant feeling..
Thanks!! Glad to hear that someone else finds it difficult not to accept being straight. I've told myself that if things don't work out, I'd just go back with women. Lol!!
