Hey, everyone. This thread has nothing to do with me coming out to parents, so don't worry about that issue. What I'm worried about is that my parents are crazy and makes me feel anxious. My dad can be impatient sometimes and may sound harsh in his complaining; meanwhile, my mother is very paranoid and emotionally unstable, it seems like; after all, her two sisters are on anti-depressants and her brother is schizophrenic. Basically, my parents are a mismatched couple who're very different from each other and yell at each other every few months. For example, I went with my parents and my brother to his college orientation about two years ago, and while we were there my mother had a little too much wine at dinner and told me that she wanted a divorce from my dad. My dad was meanwhile acting very impatient or distant or just annoyed by my mother's behavior, and when we went back to the hotel room my mother started yelling at him. I left in a hurry and cried in the hallway of the top floor. My dad checked into a different room, and the next day everything was "fine", except I was depressed. On another occasion, when I was like six, our whole family went to a baseball game: my parents, my four older siblings and I. For some reason as we left the parking lot of the stadium, my parents were yelling at each other in the front seats. My mom opened the door to leave, but we all yelled "No!" and she stayed inside a little longer. They argued a bit more, and she was gone. Apparently, she got a ride home from some friends and slept on the floor of my sister's room. I thought she had disappeared forever. Nowadays, my dad is training to go cross-country skiing in Alaska, and my mom was hesitant to go with him there. Now that it's been decided that she's going, she's complaining to my sister about going, and about how she thinks my dad is going to cheat on her (even though he's never done such a thing), and worrying aloud about money. We're not a rich family (anymore) and right now neither of my parents are employed. My point is, my parents have a lot of relationship issues and because I'm dependent upon them I end up worrying about all their problems. My mother also vents to me about everything (when I'm home, at least), and so I'm forced to worry about everything she tells me. Is there something wrong with me? My other siblings somehow manage to accept and ignore their irrational behavior, but I feel sick inside when I think about them and the future. Are my fears illegitimate, and if so am I turning into my mother? I hate to imagine that I'll end up like either of my parents, which is why I never want to get married or have a relationship ever. Is there something I should do? My friends think I should seek counseling, based on my nervous behavior (yet I haven't told them most of these stories). Also, do any of you have similar problems? I'm depressed. :help:
hey! i totally understand you. totally. my parents are kind of like that (although in a lesser degree. ur parents situation looks more extreme) and so yea... my answer is no, there is nothing wrong with you. it's natural to feel like that when your parents are acting in such ways, and it's hard to take. i bet your siblings feel the same way too except they dont express it outside. it's always hard when your family acts that way, because its so hard to ignore...cuz after all they're your family...-_- anyway, im sorry u feel so depressed. *hugs*
There's nothing wrong with you for feeling like that. Perhaps since your mother is constantly venting to you, you feel like it is your responsibility to fix their relationship, and as you can't, you are worrying about it constantly? Your mum might find that she has no one else to talk to, which is why she is constantly offloading her crap onto you. A lot of parents do this, because sometimes they just need someone to talk to, or a hug or something, and you're the closest. In my opinion, the best thing to do when she starts oversharing is to calmly remind her that while you are her kid, you are also your dad's, and you find it uncomfortable when she is telling you things about their relationship, because you feel like it is making you have to choose between the two of them, and you love them both equally. Whatever you say to her, make sure it is assertive, and not accusatory, because that won't help your cause. Make sure you use "I" statements such as "I feel sad when you tell me these things" rather than "You're always telling me these things, and I don't like it," because then your mum will get defensive and will most likely not listen to the rest of your argument, which completely defeats the purpose. You shouldn't live in fear of turning into your parents, and this should definitely not stop you from living your life and having relationships. Everyone's journey will be different, however you shouldn't let your parent's journey stop you from living your own. This is like watching the news and saying "This boy just died in a car accident, I might die too, therefore I will never ever drive a car no matter how much I want to go somewhere." I know it's a lot more personal when it's your parents whom you spent the majority of your life with, however, you shouldn't let your fear hold you back. Sure, most relationships fail, and you may even end up in one similar to the one your parents have, however, you've got to be willing to take risks so that someday you may end up with a relationship with your 'soulmate.'
Your parents' relationship sounds like mine on a good day. I definitely agree with what Lychee said, especially concerning your mother and future relationships. I, however, just thought that I should chime in and say that if you find that you're getting too overwhelmed with everything and your depression gets worse, perhaps seeking counseling might be for the best. Wish there was something else I could tell you, but just try to hang in there, dude. (*hug*)
TRUST me when I say, you're not alone. I'm going through the hardest time of my life right now because my moms fuckin crazy.
All you can do is listen to your mum, don't take on her problems. Your parents problems are not yours. Any amount of worrying and anxiety are not noting to change the situation so you are surrouning yourself with negativity for no positive reason. You have to learn to step back from it all. Listen to your mum if she needs to talk to someone but redirect her towards someone more able to help her like a female family member who will be able to give her the support she needs and you won't be put in the position of taking sides or hearing things about your dad that you would rather not hear. Remember, these are not your problem, nothing you say or do will change them so let your mum's words passe over your head and worry only about the things you can do something about.
I'm so relieved I'm not alone with this type of problem.(&&&) Thank you all so much for your Support and Advice, it really means a lot. I've decided that I will try being counseled this semester, seeing as how I'm also having issues regarding social awkwardness coupled with coming out. The crazy mom thing is just another issue to sort out. Luckily, she's feeling better about her and my dad, but I don't want to go down with her the next time she gets depressed/paranoid. Your comments really bolstered my spirits, thank you all so much for relating and reassuring. (*hug*)
wow, your story is so similair to mine. Though it's not nearly as bad, I always end up in the middle of my parents fights. My mom always vents to me about my dad, wich causes me to worry about it. Recently I told her to stop telling me about their problems, but I know when she's unhappy and desperate to vent to me. So it ends up happening anyway. And then my dad accuses me that I'm always on her side, eventhough I don't want to have anything to do with it to begin with. Yesterday I actually got up from the dinner table and walked away from it. Wich was sort of a breakthrough for me. So I know it can be tough, but you need to put yourself and your own happiness first. Have faith that when you work on yourself you can learn to stop worrying about it. And you are definitely not alone in this.
