Hey, im 25 an in the closet. People initially assume that im straight for the stereotypical reasons: im feminine etc. But i guess that they most notice that something is "wrong" with me cuz i never talk about boys and when they ask for boyfriends i just say no and they never ask about it again. Recently i have also noticed that my friends and family and every group of people i meet along the way hint me being gay like as a joke. They would be like: do you have any boyfriend, or girlfriend? I know they are only joking but its so wierd that so many people make the same jokes. I know the easiest way would be to just come out but i am honestly not ready in anyway (and it feels like i will never be). Any suggestions/advice?
Do you know how your friends or family would react if you came out to them? Have you thought about them maybe trying to make you feel like "no pressure, we'll be fine with a girlfriend too"? Are you 100% they're only joking?
Well, i honesty think that maybe when they dont know me that much they say it as a joke but after a while they actually do mean it. Even my brother is always like "oh yeah, you lesbians...blablabla" and makes jokes about it to which i just laught (dont denny or admit anything) With regards to how they would take it i think my mother would not be surprised but she would be disappointed because i think she still has some hope as she asked every so often if i have a boyfriend.
What is it that makes you feel like you will never be ready to come out? I guess all the jokes could actually give you great opportunitiest o just "randomly" come out without making a fuss out of it. They would probably not be surprised anyway.
There were comments and jokes like that to me when I was in my early twenties. Most folk at college thought I was gay (so I found out later). I had a few awkward moments when I was asked and I'd give a clever (so I thought) excuse. Looking back, I know I was was not ready to come out, but I regret not taking one of the oppertunities. I could have confided in at least two people. For me coming out would have been hard and drawn out, but at least I'd have started the conversation. Hope this helps a bit.
Yes, it sounds like they suspect and are hoping you'll let them know one way or the other. It also sounds like they're awkwardly letting you know that they don't care either way (unless the jokes are said in nasty way, though it doesn't sound like that's the case). What makes you feel like you're not ready to come out?
It sounds like they might suspect, and if they're joking in a friendly manner, they'll hopefully be supportive of your decision to come out. However, if you're not ready to come out, don't let anyone pressure you to do so.
If you're not ready to come out yet, don't come out. If the people around you suspect it and that's why they make those jokes, it's probably because they want you to know it's okay and to help you. But at the same time, it isn't good for them to be pressuring you like that (assuming they suspect it) because you need to take your own time. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. Don't feel like you owe them anything. If they knew what you were going through and that you're just not ready, they would want you to do what's best. That's most important. It's your own identity, not anybody else's. And that's a personal thing that they don't need to know until you want them to. If you're still figuring things out, that's fine! That process can take any amount of time. There are people who come out really fast, and many, many others (probably the majority) who need time to figure things out. It's most important that you come to accept yourself more and feel more comfortable with it. You need to be your own strong base before you tell others, if that makes sense. And you should take that time for yourself because you deserve it! And it may feel now like you'll never tell anyone, or you'll never reach that point. That will change. It's definitely hard to see when you're in the difficult part of accepting it and understanding it, but it will get better I promise. You're not weird. There's nothing wrong with you. You're just a human who likes other humans and it's so admirable and great that you've acknowledged to yourself that you may not be straight. Some people are never able to do that. And yeah, it is hard sometimes at the beginning, but it will get easier. And people can change. If you think your mother may not accept you, that's possible but she can certainly come to do so in time as many, many parents do. I'm sure she just wants the best for you. And the best for you is to do what you feel comfortable with right now. Take time for yourself because this is your thing to figure out and to think about, no one else's.
As someone who gets joked about like that, it's definitely an awkward situation. I'm masculine but don't show interest in girls, which my brother has been bringing up recently. So I've amped up the girl talk to dissuade suspicion. Sometimes when my friends/family jokingly ask me if I'm gay I feel like they blur the boundary between coaxing me and just teasing. In your guys'/gals' experience, what is it that they're actually doing? I like to tell myself I'm just being paranoid, but I can't help but wonder...
Yeah, I've got similar joking from my mother in the past but it always seemed to have a slightly insulting edge. Like, I get dressed and just as I'm leaving the house "Is this your new dyke look then?". Or "I think she liiiikes you" mockingly. As soon as she got a little bit of evidence to prove herself right she started just getting straight up insulting and interrogating me, and in that situation the only correct plan of action seems to be to deny everything despite how obvious its starting to be, because like you I am not ready to deal with such a difficult conversation. If you don't think they're being insulting about it and they don't seem to have a problem with gay people then they could definitely be trying to support you and maybe opening up a little to whoever you find easiest to talk to could actually be helpful in the process of you coming out completely. However, if you feel like they're sort of making fun of you, you really need to be ready before you start trying to confirm their suspicions.
