i need some serious advice, now. ok, so the entire world knows that im gay now, or at least most of my family now. my parents came to talk to me unexpectedly at my school. they wanted to hear from me, face to face, that what was true about what they heard was true, that im gay. (i posted some things on myspace, my cousin found out, she blabbed to my aunt, who told my mom, and from there, it went to hell) so my parents and i were talking, my mother didnt do much talking because she was depressed about all this, having to deal with me coming out, her view on this, and my family who definitely wont approve. so we were talking, and my dad comes down on my like a 1000 pounds, saying wtf is wrong with me saying that im gay and ruining my life by saying that. he was saying things like im just confused and idk what i want. he started asking things like have i ever any experience with a man or do i have a boyfriend, and im like no, at least not yet. than he said how the hell do i know im gay if i've never had any experiences with a guy, but i told him that's how i feel, i've had these feelings since as far as i can remember (like since i was seven, or even younger). so he kept saying that until i experience something with a guy or girl (i've never been with a girl either, but im sure that even if i did, i still would feel that same, cause i know what i like, and i like guys) that i wont know what i want, but that he wants me to get a girlfriend and see whether or not i like girls or guys. meanwhile, my mother is just asking if thats how i really feel, if anything ever happened to me that caused me to think this way. so i just need advice on how to convince my dad that i am what i am, and if he doesnt like it, he can go screw himself (not litterally).:icon_sad:
Umm i feel bad and i don't really know what to say, Usually people use the " did you know you were straight before you fucked a girl" kinda thing. i am sure someone else will post something more useful good luck
Your parents are adjusting to the idea that you are gay and are going though their own coming out process. You want to give them some time. I would print out some PFLAG material to give them. There is a booklet called 'Our Daughters Our Sons'. It is for parents who find out their child is gay. Good Luck!
Not sure what your family is like......in general.... If you are sure to yourself that you are gay, then that's what matters. ask yourself a question: will your parents kick you out for standing up for yourself? if the answer is yes, i would find a friend to go to or back down. If not and they are just more concerned, then be respectful and aware of their concerns, but don't be pressured. Just listen and politely, and firmly state how you feel. I hope that helps!
I know what this is like, and im going to keep you in my thoughts (*hug*) Its hard when the people who you are closest to dont re-act well, but like EM68 said you need to let them adjust now. Its going to be an awkward and difficult time im sure, but just give them space and make sure they get some PFLAG material, and video material (can be found online, PM me if you want some good ones i used) to get them started on the right path. I would try and keep a distance and occupy yourself with other things like going out with friends. Whatever you can do to help them. If you ever want to talk about it, PM me. My parents took the news very bad, and still are, but things are looking up now thanks to some good advice from others
Perhaps it would be good to get him some PFLAG material: http://www.pflagphoenix.org/support/pamphlets.html There are some pamphlets on there for parents. Other than that, you have to keep telling him who you are and that you're not going to change. Ask him if he knew he liked girls before he started dating them.
I'm sorry it was such a rough experience--and that the conversation had to happen on your parents' terms instead of your own. Right now your dad is clearly in denial. The best thing, since you're away at school anyway, might be to give it some space and time. If they bring it up, try to say you're just don't want to talk about it. Wait until you feel the moment is right to discuss it and are ready emotionally for the tough conversation. I sense from your description of your mother's response that there is a ray of hope. She seems to be trying to rationalize it (i.e. looking for a reason, something that happened to cause it). You might want to slowly talk to her about it alone and help her to accept it. Although I haven't come out to my parents, I have for years been trying to cultivate a greater acceptance. My dad went from being someone absolutely opposed to gay marriage or even gay rights because he thought it was "deviant behavior" to at least recognizing that gay people are regular people, too. He'd even go for civil unions now. We had a lot of big fights about it, but as he started realizing that some people he knew and liked were gay he slowly started softening. Honestly, though, it was a tough and long road--even before I recognized that I was gay.
tnks for the advice guys. i hope these pamphlets can help. i just hope my dad can listen to me for once because when we had our talk, i felt like he just wanted to say what he said, and not hear my side of the story. i just hope it works out with him. as for my mom, i hope that she comes around soon, because i hate seeing my mother so sad, she has been through hell all her life, and now she has to deal with this. i wish she didnt have to deal with this, but i know she has to, but i just want to make it easier on her by doing something. i just pray she gets better soon.
Sorry I didn't post the PFLAG link,myself. I don't know how to do that! I think the other posters have said it all. I did want to say ,hang in there and good luck. People here are great. You're among friends! (&&&)
I would be happy to talk with your parents by e-mail if they want to talk to another parent. Just PM me and I'll give you my e-mail address. Also, tell them to read a book called Now that You Know. Its available from Amazon, Barnes and Noble or any major book sellers.
There are several books available, as there are with informational websites. And Becky here is a great resource too. Your dad sounds a lot like my mom when I came out, and as a result for me, I'm back in the closet...(confusing I know). Just stay strong, at least your out is all I can really say....
