Anxiety/ coming out

The best relief from stress bought on by fear of coming out is often coming out itself. It's like feeling a weight being taken off your shoulders. Just try your best to relax and not to dwell on the negatives. Because chances are it'll all go better than expected

 

If you know what is causing your anxiety, in this case your coming out, try and break it down into bite sized pieces and see if you can take take some steps forward.

Who do you want to come out to?
What do you think their reaction will be?
Do you NEED to come out now?
Do you want to come out now?
What is the worst that could happen?
Is this likely?
Is there someone you could come out to who would be succeptable to support you?

That sort of thing. If you can break down this anxiety and find some answers to some of these questions then you could set about dealing with the ones that you feel ready for and put the others off until you are in a better place in your head.

 

I stress and worry about thinking about coming out all the freaking time, yeah it sucks. Probably wont go away till you actually come out id assume, which I hope I can do that soon. But then again I would think coming out would bring a whole new type of worrying and anxiety? Being gay is hard...

 

I stressed out HEAVILY before the first time I came out. I had horrible anxieties, but alot of that has dissipated now except worrying about my parents (whom still don't know) as well as dating.

 

First,you have to accept who you are. If you're still trying to figure that out.
Once you do that,you can choose who you want to come out to.
We all know it's not easy. We've all been there,at one time or another.
Do things at your own pace. Take your time,it's not a race.
We don't know your situation,like family attitudes,so you must decide this,for yourself.
With friends,it's the same thing. You have to decide,who,what,where,etc.
Good luck to you. It is hard,but so worth it. Live your life for YOU.

 

I understand having anxiety about that.

I was 13 and wanted to tell my mother. She's really been the only person that's been there for me... my best/only friend. It hurt me so much to keep it from her and by 13 I was really sure and felt like I had to tell her.

I waited a year to tell her, and I almost had a nervous breakdown. I told her like after my 14th birthday.

I told her, and felt much happier. She didn't freak out like I thought she would. I was afraid that she'd kick me out, and horrible things would happen, like on those movies on television.

Nothing like that happened, and it went well. Believe in yourself. Think about who you are telling.

I'm seventeen... and I recently just told other people. I told teachers, and I got rid of a doctor because she wasn't accepting of it.

Someone told me this, and I guess it is worth saying: "You have people who care about you. If someone can't accept you for who you are, then you don't need them in your life."

 

The anxiety is what gave me the final push to come out. I just got tired of it being a big deal and thinking about it all of the time. I picked someone I knew I could trust and pulled the trigger. I just then started knocking them out one by one.

It has helped a lot, most of the anxiety is gone. I still need to come out to my parents before I declare myself fully out, and that causes me some anxiety still. I want to tell them face to face, so I plan to tell them on my next visit home. If they did not live so far away I would do it today. I plan to visit in mid March, so I'll just have to wait it out.

 

I have had a bit of anxiety over thinking of coming out. It gotten to the point where I plan to start coming out to my sister and a couple of friends. Last week I came out to a gay friend from high school. I felt so much better. I felt empowered and want to come out more.

Now I plan to come out to my sister and best friend. My sister is off today, her only day off so I plan to call her today.

 

I know exactly what you mean - I have this too, this big huge anxiety about it all, and it's what, in the end, will make me come out I think. I do sometimes think that this stress is greater than it need be though! I think the only things you can actually do are to

a) harness it to the positive ie. use it as your motivation to come out or
b) try and focus on other things, and realise that being gay and stress about being gay and coming out are not the same things, and that you can have one without the other. I personally find that it helps to have a period of the day when I'm allowed to be stressed about things, which leaves the rest of the day for me to get on with my life.

Sorry this is stressing you out so badly - it's really horrible I know - but somehow you need to try and get out of the negative cycle of thoughts (which is easier said than done, I know).

 

The best way to relieve this stress is to let it out. Well you know you're attracted to guys, tell a close friend that. There are many different ways you can do it, but the stress of bottling it up is far worse than the consequences normally, although depends entirely on your friends and family.

 

I hope this is a good spot to write this and I look forward to seeing some insight. I need some help understanding. The easiest way is to start from the beginning. I have known that there has been a difference with me as early back as elementary school. I kind of figured it out when my eyes were wondering in different places that most of my friends weren't. At first I figured it was just a phase or I'm only curious, it will get better. Well.... not exactly. I finished elementary school, high school, and college and it has to be one heck of a phase for it to last this long. Although I've never actually been with anyone, I feel its been blatently obvious to me as to my true nature. I'm now 24 and only out to 3 people right now which I just told in the past few weeks. I told my brother who doesn't seem to understand and two friends who are accepting and haven't looked at me any different. But I'm not exactly sure how I feel about them yet. Part of the problem is I'm not even comfortable with it yet, so I don't know how to read how they are taking it. I love my friends and how close we are and the things we do. I also love my job on my 5th yr in a police dept. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. However, my ears are always open and over time my insides have been chipped away whenever a friend or coworker rags on gays. I know they don't mean it towards me, but they now they are talking about me. I know people say if they won't accept me for who I am then they're not my friends. However, I'm not totally sold on that. They do love me for who i am, they just don't know something about me. Being gay doesn't define us as people, its merely an attraction difference. I often ponder what me coming out would do. Would coming out make everyone realize how close they are to a gay and that nothing is really wrong with it or would it go the complete other way and bastardize my life and career. I fear coming out to anyone from work would end the career dead in its tracks, sadly. Most of my friends are from there or at least associate with my other friends. So ultimately I really have nowhere to turn at the moment. I kind of feel lost. I'm tired of hiding in the closet because its so lonely in there. I long to have that guy to share my world with and have a life together with, yet I'm still too scared to tell anyone.

Ultimately what I think I'm getting at is, I know I'm not the only one having this struggle. I give all of you who are out all the credit in the world. Its one of the hardest things for us to do. And its truly a shame any of us even have to go through it. I think I feel lost and helpless because I can't tell many of the people I know about myself and feel like there is nowhere to turn right now. Yet I don't want to keep it to myself much longer either. Its been hard letting it eat away at me over the years already. I can't sleep at night, I can't eat, I've lost interest in the things I used to love doing. I can't let this keep happening to myself. I know there are other people going through the same struggle. I finally built up enough to post on here to chat you all to see what others are going through or have been through and look forward to what you have to say.

 

I started a new thread for this. "I Know I Can't Be The The Only One Out There"