A few people in my life know that I'm not straight, though not the majority by far. To these people I'm out as a lesbian (though I did kind of express some uncertainty when I came out). Point is, I'm pretty sure I'm not straight. I've tried to pinpoint exactly what my orientation is to no avail so I've decided to just not label myself. Attempting to label my sexuality on the whole has been incredibly frustrating, depressing and upsetting. I've been questioning my identity for at least 2 years and in that time I've mainly concealed my feelings because I wanted to wait until I knew exactly what I was but I'm beginning to think that I may never know exactly what I am. Actually not labeling my sexuality is incredibly liberating to me and it feels right. The problem is, I don't exactly know how to communicate that to other people. Also I don't know how to explain this to the people I've already come out to as lesbian. I just really don't want this to be a big deal. I want to come out casually and I want to do it without ever having to say exactly what I am. I guess I just feel like people may not take me very seriously if I don't label my orientation - especially my parents and its not exactly like most people have an intimate understanding of lgbt identities. I mean its not exactly like I could whip out a Kinsey scale and point to my exact score so people know who I'm into (if I even could do that). Also can I even come out without knowing what I am exactly?
Yes. I kinda came out without labelling myself. Try and avoid even mentioning labels. The best way in my opinion is somewhat like this.... "I actually have feelings for this guy" or "I don't think I'm completely straight, I just don't know" These always help. I never use labels as I had a pretty hard time slecting one I'm more like "I don't care whom I love, I love them just" And if the person does use a label, it is best to say that you are'nt _______. But it may also cause confusion to the person you came out to. So I think its best to say that you're not straight. No labels. Hope this helps.
Yeah, I've been confused a while myself. Settling on the label of "Not straight" has really helped me though. It focuses on what I do know about myself, rather than what I don't know and it's not something specific that I have to try hard to fit. Maybe something like that could help you. Maybe start with the people you've already come out to as lesbian. That might help you practice on how to tell people without as much pressure as coming out to someone for the first time. Here's one way you might want to say it: "So I've been confused for a while about my orientation and trying to stick with a certain label is really stressful for me, but I know for sure that I like girls/I'm not straight and just telling people that makes me the most comfortable." or "...I don't know, I'm still pretty confused on what label I'd fall under, but I know I like girls. Who knows, maybe I could like a girl, or maybe one day in the future I might find a guy I like too. I'm just going to see how it goes."
