It's been a while, my fellow EC'ers; and a couple of big things may, or may not have happened. When I was last here, I had pretty much decided that I was going to make it my goal to come out to the whole school over the summer. Well, last Friday, we were all called to an assembly at school. we didn't know what it was about until a key member of the local gay community showed up. She is very obviously a lesbian, and is well-received (and recognized ) in the community. She operates many fast-food joints and proudly displays her pride flags at each of them. She talked about homophobia and did an amazing job. <sidebar> I had no idea she and her wife were the first married gay couple in my hometown! PS-GO CANADA!</sidebar> For me, it was... awkward, to say the least. She was basically describing me for a majority of the presentation - someone who is pretending to be straight in front of their friends. I was extremely nervous through the whole thing, but then the mood lightened after a few poignant jokes. Then she made the comment "The person sitting right beside you could be gay, and hiding it from you." As soon as I realized what she had said, my best friend looked at me and started laughing in an "as if" manner. ... I guess there's no question as to whether or not she has any idea I'm gay. And through the whole presentation, she was kind of being less than gay-friendly. In fact, the idea of coming out to her has allowed me to re-evaluate our dynamic, and, quite frankly, I really wish I had... better friends. Closer, more positive, more caring friends who valued me more. So that was that... (seems a little insignificant in retrospect.) Next order of business-- Last night, mom, dad, and I are all watching television and, during a commercial break, my dad makes mention of a guy her and mom saw over town the previous day. He was wearing (i guess the most atrocious) red glasses, and dad said, "I can't imagine having someone like that as a son-in-law." (Or something to that effect... operative term being SON-in-law!) At first I didn't even realize the importance of that. I guess (seeing as there is only me and my brother) that the only way he could have a son-in-law is if I were married! HOLY CRAP! ... this is big, I mean, he just said it... like, out of the blue. :tears: *tears of joy* *hope I didn't miss a possibility that this meant nothing and my excitement will make me look like a loser*
Like you lately I've had to look at my friendships and really determine if they are the type of people I want in my life.Hearing that speaker mustve really opened ur mind...I wish I couldve heard something like that. Btw..if my dad said something like that I would totally flip...I think u have ALL the right to be excited.
Those are hard to find throughout life but I tend to feel it's even harder in high school because the environment is so, well, harsh and everyone is trying to figure themselves out and just survive, so being able to focus on compassion for others can be, I think, really difficult in that particular crucible. My experience has been that you need two main ingredients for cultivating a really good friend: you need someone you really click with and you need to really work to spend time with that person, understand them, and be there for them. And that commitment, which is exactly what it is, has to be a shared, 2-way commitment. I've lost track of the many people where I've obviously been the one putting in far more work and effort than they are. It can be bitterly disappointing when you realise someone doesn't want to be as good friends with you as you do with them... but the sooner you are able to recognise that situation, the faster you can redirect your energy to more promising prospects. Of course that makes it sound nearly mercenary but in the abstract, it really is. All of us only have so much time and so much emotional energy to expend... and it definitely is more rewarding to realise you've developed some really good friends rather than letting yourself be strung along by the more selfish elements of society. All that being said... sometimes developing a good friendship requires you to put yourself out maybe more than you normally would. The old "nothing ventured, nothing gained" situation. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and go the extra mile whenever possible... but I've learned that it's pointless to do that after a certain point. Maybe you can point your friendship with the girl in question more in the direction you'd like to end up now that you've figured out it's not where you want it to be. There's nothing like knowing where you are for figuring out how to get to where you want to go.
It's surprising how well you've summed up my relationship with the girl. I gave you very little to go on and you were exactly right. Our relationship consists of my push and her pull. I always try so hard to be the best friend I can be, but then she does something so numb-skulled as to abandon me for the 'Relay for Life' last weekend. She had weeks to prepare for it and convinced me to join last minute. In the end, I was left alone for the 12 hour benefit, even after begging her to come. Not a proud moment for me. We got into a pretty heated argument-- our first. It was me finally standing up for myself. I was afraid how it would end, and couldn't risk loosing her as a friend over it, so I just steered the conversation back to happy land... end of story. I just feel like she doesn't value me like I do her, and, as you say, that is a HUGE letdown. But beyond that, I feel that it might not be anything personal, she seems to treat everyone in her life that way. I feel as if I do go as far as I can. I always trust her and end up being screwed because of it. Even just things like "Sure, I'll wait for you while you're in the bathroom." Any suggestions? I feel like I'm in a bit of the "I can make her change" scenario, which we all know is so not true. I'm painting her as this evil friend that no one would want, but it's not that bad. And as much as I feel disrespected by her, we click. It's that simple. In our small school, she's the only one who really buzzes at the same frequency as me, so to speak. Re-reading this, and knowing how she is screwed up in many the same ways I am, maybe she's a lesbian... lmao. I mean, my reason for not having a girlfriend is obvious... whats her reason for being single? Totally kidding about that, but it's always a possibility...:lol:
