I am 28 years old and have always had girlfriends. but over the past few years i have had oral sex from men twice. although at the time, it felt really alien, and i didn't particularly enjoy it, i still have gay fantasies. i am very confused. i have led quite a macho lifestyle until a few years ago when i had an accident which changed my life. since then i have had serious anxiety and depression issues. i have been told i act gay before to which i took offence to, but i feel that was just an automatic response. If i am gay i have no qualms about coming out. my brother is gay, i have a very supportive family. but i do like women. i like the way they look and feel but i always seem to befriend them more than have a romantic relationship. i really dont know. i suffer from social anxiety to the point i avoid all human contact, and only speak to people when totally necessary. this may sound silly but how do i know ? i can act the way i want around my family, when i am with them i am relaxed and i feel happy. i feel like i have been living a lie all my life. i have been to extreme measures to hide my true self. any feedback is greatly appreciated (!) cool banana man
Hi, I hope this response finds you doing well. I can really relate to your story.DO NOT listen when people say you "look gay". I personally have identified as a lesbian female even though I am super feminine. I now dont really call myself lesbian because I feel that it is to much of a "black or white" term to describe my sexuality. I have dealt with and been medicated for OCD and Major Depressive Disorder since I was 13, so I definitely feel you. My advice is to not push yourself to have a label. Sexuality is SO fluid and you dont have to categorize yourself as gay or bi or straight. Just be you, even if you feel like your trying to figure out what that is.
thank you very much. i don't usually do the whole label thing, i think its very divisive in general. i will just keep doing what i'm doing i feel a lot better after writing this down. i'm gonna try find a support group near me. Thanks alot
HI Jimmy Welcome, I agree sexuality is fluid, I was called a "little F-G" growing up, got into lots of fights, defending my masculine identity. Now at my age +50, I am coming to accept all aspects of myself. Good luck, and welcome to EC
