Hi! I'm new to empty closets. I've been lurking around for a while so I decided to post now because I had some questions about coming out Now, I am out currently to a lot of people I know, to some extent. The first person I came out to was my sister and then my two best friends, one of whom is a gay male. We will call my gay friend A. Then I came out to my parents/stepmother afterwards after they spoke to me about some things that were troubling me. This occurred months ago and I ended up coming out to pretty much the whole school since and I was very open and comfortable in my sexuality, especially since A and I were able to support each other. So far, this sounds pretty much perfect right? Well, just a month ago I moved to a whole different state. I have gotten a job as well and I start school in less than a month. Now, the issue is now that I have moved, I don't know how to come out to people again, especially the people I am working with. I'm also concerned about what they will think about it. I normally dress in an androgynous manner, with my hair cut short and I often get mistaken for a boy. At the state I used to live in, I use to get stares from people, enough so that A commented on it. People have laughed at me in public saying "look, that's a girl" even though I was just walking and people have just been rude to me in general. So far none of that has happened in the new state that I just moved to, not even stares so I'm hoping that when I do come out again it will be easier. What I have noticed is that basically, where I live now just seems more diverse. I was just thinking of maybe keeping it secret for now and deny dating or wanting to date etc. and maybe come out if I am certain that it won't cause any strife in my job. Also, do you think the way that I dress and present myself would send off any clues? I went to a social event with everyone from work today and there were two people who I got to know well enough and they seemed friendly and we had similar interests. It was a little bit awkward since we were pretty new to the job so we didn't really know anyone and I am also quite an introverted person as well. However they were still happy to speak with me and we mostly hung out together during the whole thing. I am less worried about coming out at school because it is a very big school and I am sure that I will be able to make friends with people who are accepting of LGBT people. Maybe I could even make friends with other gay people as well (my last school didn't have very many gay students at all). The thing that frustrates me a bit though, is just that I would like to live in a world where I didn't have to worry about if I will be rejected for who I am, and that is as a lesbian. When a straight person walks into a room full of people, they don't have to worry about hiding their sexuality and they are able to talk freely about their partner without having to pretend that they are just "friends". The straight person doesn't have to worry about how their colleagues, or even (especially) how their boss will react to their sexuality. They don't get laughed at or treated as inferior because of their sexuality or gender expression either. Anyway sorry if this is too long. If you managed to read all of it, thank you so much for your time
Wait, like, a month or so and try to suss out the situation. Somehow get the conversation to be about being gay, without giving it away that you are, and see how people react. If you feel comfortable, come out, if you don't, wait a bit longer and try to figure something out. Remember, you can always talk with A over the phone or facetime or something.
I agree with CrazyBoutBoyz. I think you should give it some time before you decide to come out. Give yourself some time to get adjusted to your new surroundings and to get to know your new colleagues and the people at school. Once you learn a bit more about your coworkers, then maybe you could start to drop some hints about being gay. I don't think being androgynous would set off any clues regarding your sexuality. A lot of women dress in the androgynous style nowadays and it doesn't mean they're gay. It's just how fashion is. Anyway, give it some time and if you feel comfortable after you've waited for a little bit, then go for it and come out to your coworkers. If you get the feeling that something might not go right, then I would hold off a bit longer.
Why don't you just assume that everyone knows you're gay? Stop worrying about it. If someone has a problem with it, it's their problem, not yours. For example if you're talking to someone and they say "Do you have a boyfriend yet?" you just say "Err... you know I'm gay, right?"
