Okay so I'm 17 years old and I recently came out to my parents a few days ago. I had been secretly dating my girlfriend for almost 4 months. My parents were becoming suspicious of us and it felt like the pressure was building up so much and like I was under a microscope. I felt like it was probably better for me to come out sooner than later because of these rising suspicions. After church my mom and I went out to lunch together alone. I also have a dad and a brother present in my life. I figured that since we were out to lunch together (which doesn't happen very often) I figured that it would be an ideal time to come out. When I told her I was bisexual and that friend I always had over was actually my girlfriend she got very upset and cried. And then she got angry. I've never felt such a terrible silence between my mother and I. :tears: I hate seeing her cry, let alone be the one to cause it. We have a great relationship and that feeling was very new to me. We still had to tasks to complete after lunch so after a long, awkward, silent day out with her we finally go home. My dad can tell that my mom is upset (I think she cried again when she got home) and my dad kept asking me what I did wrong. I didn't want to tell him. His questioning got very forceful and I was basically forced out to come out to him even though I had not planned to that day. When I told him he simply walked away. I then went outside to retrieve the rest of the things from the car from the day out. While I was getting things out of the car my dad grabbed me by my hair and dragged me inside of the house. He threw me across the room and was to be honest, about to practically kill me. Seriously, no joke. Had my mom not stepped in and protected me, I could have honestly been in the hospital right now. I've never seen my dad so angry in my entire life. :eusa_doh: He's yelling and cursing. And said so many terrible things. My parents both think that I am confused and that the media has influenced me to be bisexual. They claim that if I really were gay at all they would know. Then they started naming off people that they can tell are gay, even though theyre not out. And all of their examples were so stereotypical. They thought they were sounding smart, and like they know a gay person when they see them but literally all their example were girls that dress likes guys, and guys that act a bit feminine. I'm a female and do like to typically dress like one. I'm not the stereotypical non-straight person in their eyes, so therefore can't be gay. They've known me since birth, so would know if I were gay or not more than I would know. My dad forced me to call my girlfriend and break up with her. She's the sweetest girl on the planet and my parents really liked her before finding out that she was more than just my friend. She started crying on the phone and hung up. I felt my world going to shit and the heart of the girl that I loved breaking. My dad, the next day, then declared that he's going to "sweat the gay" out of me. I forgot to mention that my parents were both U.S. Marines. So my dad made my house "bootcamp" and makes me work out aggressively after school every day . He also follows me around each morning while I get ready for school. He's making me wear his Marine Corp ring around my neck as my NEW promise ring to replace the one my girlfriend and I had. I'm not allowed to talk to my girlfriend at school. Or even any of my friends that are not straight. I can only talk to straight people. And my dad has said multiple times that he'll be coming to my school to see if I'm talking to my girlfriend. While making me work out he would yell at me like a drill Sergeant and basically teach me how homosexuality is wrong. Oh yeah, by the way. My parents are Christian. I've only been out to my parents for 6 days now. Things have started to calm down. Only because I've really been making it look like I've changed. And like I understand that homosexuality is a sin. However that is not my viewpoint. And my parents do not know that I am technically not a Christian. And Im definitely not coming out with that anytime soon :eusa_danc Kinda feels like I came out the closet, and walked into Davy Jone's Locker. The first day or two after coming out I told my girlfriend that I couldn't be with her anymore. But since then have changed my mind. I've realized that I need to own up to who I am. I can't pretend to be a Christian and someone that I'm not for the rest of my life. I don't have a problem with any Christians or anyone of any other religion, but thats just not who I am (I'm a Unitarian Universalist). I told my girlfriend that once I move out and can SAFELY be who I am, that we can be together. Thankfully I'm already 17 and can move out at 18. But I probably won't have the funds to for a while. Hopefully, I can obtain a job. I dont have a car or anything so its hard. And i dont think my parents would now like the idea of me being able to be independent so they may not even allow me to get a real job if I wanted to. My dad also took away all of my leftover Christmas money, so that backs up my thoughts about the job. I've been talking to my Christian friends about it at school and they are furious. Saying that he's not doing the real Christian thing. And although what he's been doing sucks, I can't help but worry because my dad said that if I do continue to be gay, I am getting shunned from the family and cut out of their lives. :icon_redf I love my family. I don't want anyone thinking they're evil when I tell my story. They've always been there for me and have always done everything to make sure I'm okay. I have great parents and I understand that what's being done is being done out of love, but this tough love is real...well tough. I don't want to lose my family. They've always said I'm selfish, even though literally everyone else I know says the opposite. I won nicest personality award at my school. I love helping people and am generally very kind to everyone I meet. I'm super silly and love to have fun. But by choosing my "lifestyle" over them, that only supports their thoughts of my selfishness. But I can't pretend to be someone I'm not. My dad was yelling at me for being a hypocrite by sitting in church, yet committing homosexual acts. And he's right. I was being hypocritical (not purposefully, Im forced to go to church with them). But I'm not going to stay hypocritical. When I can, Im going to own up to who I am. It just sucks to know I'll also have to lose my family.:icon_sad: At least things are getting better though, even if it's because of me being good at being a fake Christian. :eusa_danc My dad has since yesterday, been a lot easier on me. And today, for the first time this week he did not make me work out. He says that we need to talk more and hang out more and spend time together. So that's cool. Hopefully we get closer than ever and he maybe won't want to kick me out of the family when I come out again. Idk if coming out was the right thing to do, but it is what it is. And there are really good lessons that are coming out of it. And I'm sure there'll be more. Being myself is a huge lesson I'm learning about. And not caring what people think, even if its your family i guess. Oh and I've got some abs starting to peak through due to my dad's bootcamp Which I think may only attract more ladies to me :eusa_clap Although I'm only interested in one I'm worried about my mom though. My mom is a bit different than my dad and she expressed to me that she wants to understand how my homosexuality came along. I hopefully may be able to educate her one day. Church this week is going to be hell. Ironically :lol: This is my first time ever being on a forum. I think I may have posted to vent somewhere safely. But support would be so extremely appreciated. Everything just kinda sucks a bit right now. I've been assigned to read a chapter of Proverbs in the Bible every day (by my dad) and take notes on anything that sticks out to me. So I guess I'll go do that now.
I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. All I can think to do is send you a *hug* and hope things even out in time.
Omg, I'm so sorry all this had to happen to you! It sounds terrible. I'm not sure if there is really anything that you can do in an attempt to change your parent's mind about homosexuality being a sin, as they seem very hooked on their beliefs, though they may come around in the future. You never know! Maybe obeying their rules to the best of your abilities would be your best bet, but maybe you could try to drop subtle hints about positive things on homosexuality? It could work, possibly. >.< Good luck!
If you choose to go to college (assuming they're still supporting you at that point) try to pick one that your parent can't constantly drop in on you all the time, something far away were you can be yourself. If college isn't the way to go, then i'd suggest getting out of there as soon as it is, in most matters, feasible to do so because that doesn't seem like a very healthy environment. I find it amusing that your father is making you exercise as some sort of punishment or therapy to work the gay out of you (or whatever). As we all know, nothing wards off lesbian and bisexual women more than a physically fit and toned female body.
Reading about your parents' reactions infuriates me. But I love that you're keeping some humor in all of it, that says a lot about your character! don't lose that part of yourself. I know you say they're great parents, but their reaction is not supportive of that. My best advice is to continue playing straight around them while being as out as you wish anywhere that it's safe. It sucks, but your safety is key, especially since your father obviously doesn't know how to keep his hands to himself. Maybe you should pick out some biblical text from whatever he's making you read that imply intolerance and harming others to be sinful. Or don't if that would make him angry and try to physically harm you. Also, do whatever you can to make that completely intolerable -- kick him in the freaking nuts or call the police. Leave, as soon as humanly possible. Are you planning on going to college? Please do. And make sure you go as far away as possible. If not, get a job and start saving up, and MOVE OUT. I know you said he won't allow you to get a job, but once you're 18, that's no longer his business. Get one by any means. Stay with friends or other family members. I'm sure that's a hard thing to think about, but you do not deserve this treatment or to be in such a horrible environment. I'm sorry this happened to you. Sending hugs.
As I was reading I just felt tears beginning to fall down along my cheeks.. I'm so sorry about your family being so against it... I don't even know what to say just... Hugs? Ok? Hugs.
As time passes, it really can only get better. Just keep your head up. I'm also sort of hiding in the closet because I'm terrified of my ridiculously homophobic and religious neighbors. Why? My neighbor's mom said she was proud of her son for telling a girl she was going to hell to my mom and our other religious neighbor. (This was a couple of years before I came out to myself). My dad's side is also crazy catholic, so I'm not entirely sure how that would turn out either. I sort of came out to my mom the other week and that wasn't as bad as I thought it'd turn out. She was actually quite chill with it. The more society processes to make heteronomality disappear, the more open people will be with the lgbtq+ community. Whether it will late your fam a year to adjust or several, there will definitely be a moment when your parents will be okay with your bisexuality. (I mean look how much society has progressed so far!?!)
Aww, I am so sad and angry with your parents after hearing what they have done to you. Nobody deserves to be treat like this, no matter who they are. My parents are Christian(I'm atheist, but not telling them) but thankfully they were OK with me,even though things didn't go as smooth with my dad when he was thinking my bisexuality is only a phase. But he has gotten over it and now is supportive a small bit. The world's opinions are changing but that is not to say that everyone is ok with LGBT and sadly you fell into a family which is not ok with you. To tell you the truth and I am sorry to say it but that is not good parenting with what they are doing to you. Even though they were marines that does not mean that they cannot be good parents. A good parent is somebody who is there for their child and will love them no matter what happens. You can hate me for saying this all you like but I am trying to help. When the time comes for you to get a job you will just have to try and persuade them that your life is your life only and can't be controlled totally by them for the rest of your life. I am here for you if you want to talk. All you need is someone to talk to and I would be happy to talk to you. Just drop me a wall message if you feel up to it. Hopefully time repairs what has happened and that their parenting instincts kick in before it is too late. All I can give you now is a thousand hugs! (*hug) (*hug*) If you ever feel endangered by your dad you have the right to tell someone. I know you would never want to do that but nobody would want you getting really hurt. I'm here to talk, TheBiBoy
I am so sorry to hear this about your parents. Hopefully they will get over it. If they don't maybe ur girlfriend could help you move out as well maybe. Well your nearly there to being legally an adult so they can't stop you with your own life decisions. I really hope things get better for you. And also I'm technically Christian because my parents are. They are not struck and only go to church for eventd and remembrance masses. Thus was proven by their great acceptance in me. I'm atheist and I think they suspect but they don't seem to mind. Good Luck, Gay1234
You guys thanks so much for the support. Really, each and every one of you. All of your words are making it easier. I've got church tomorrow so I'll let yall know how that goes. Hopefully not too bad. All of you guys ROCK! ---------- Post added 16th Jan 2016 at 09:34 PM ---------- Yeah! My parents think not as many people are accepting as I think there are. They say the media just makes it looks like a lot of people are accepting. But what Im experiencing is society as a whole, if not becoming more accepting, becoming more tolerant at least. I can actually talk to Christian teens comfortably even knowing we have different views. I think theyre very scared about me getting beat up or murdered or just targeted in general. Which is understandable and all as parents, but Im aware and always have utensils to protect myself. I'm definitely always going to carry some kind of protection on me at all times no matter what. I'm already a female and black, and now gay. Either way there's always some quality ignorant people can hate you for.
What your parents are doing is not tough love. It is fear. Fear of you not conforming with their worldview. Since you are still dependent, you may have to bite your lips and focus on finding how to become independent. Getting a job is one option, but also consider going to college for the greater opportunities; especially at a location not so close from home as Bismuth mentioned. Also, keep up with your support network, friends and maybe even talking to a counselor. If you have a GSA (gay-straight alliance) at school, that's another good resource. Also, is your girlfriend out to her parents? If so, maybe they could talk to your parents.
Yeah I definitely plan on going to college. I'm really excited to. My first choice college is 3 hours away. Which hopefully will be far away enough, yet still close enough to my girlfriend (we're not in the same grade so will be graduating at different times). I'm mainly just freaking out over the thought of my dad going to my girlfriends house once he finds out that I'm not giving her up. He knows where she lives and stuff and I can honestly see him paying her a visit. However I feel that my mom will keep him from doing that. If not, I guess Ill just be forced to have my girlfriend put restraining orders on my own dang dad. It's just so sad I even have to think about this stuff. Its almost surreal because I never thought I'd have to think about putting restraining orders on my FAMILY. Or thinking about choosing my own happiness and freedom over my FAMILY. Life man. Oh welp. ---------- Post added 16th Jan 2016 at 09:49 PM ---------- My girlfriend came out to her dad (mom not in her life), the same day I came out to mine. Funny thing is her dad is like a deacon or whatever (highly ranked guy at his church) and he accepted her. While my regular Christian parents did not. I love her dad, he's super cool. My girlfriend isn't a Christian and he knows that too and he accepts her for who she is. He even jokes about it sometimes saying, "Girl. Don't make me put the Christian radio station on!". Haha. I'm sure he would talk to my parents if I asked, he loves me, even knowing I'm with his daughter. But that would also probably just makes things worse at home for me. So I think Imma just ride it out until I don't have to. I'm strong and I can handle it. Especially with God on my side (which I believe he is). Im just upset I can't see my girlfriend and she has to go through this. This is the last thing she deserves. I just can't wait to be safe and free and make up for all the time lost...if ya know what I mean (; haha. But seriously. I can't wait to be independent so I can simply just go out on dates with her again. Right now we can only message secretly, and see each other in the bathroom at school. I'm dreading the summer time when school is out and I can't see her face at all. I guess it'll give me more time to focus on earning money though.
Yeah, this is not okay, under no circumstances is assaulting an innocent person okay. This is abuse and assault (which also is a sin to the Christian faith) I feel maybe someone needs to know about this or something, it isn't right.
wow...thats a shame. It's hard to say what you should do in this situation. Unfortunately you need your parents financial help right now, so you may need to remain secretive. I dont mean to diss your parents, but for them to treat you that way calls for immediate cut off. When you eventually move out you need to cut the toxicity out of your life and let them accept you if they really want to. Seems like they choose their religion over their daughter unfortunately. So sorry u had to go through this :/
I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. I also had to come out to Christian parents, but luckily they were accepting (well, my mom was, my dad just won't talk about it). I hope you have good luck in the future and are able to stay with your girlfriend. Maybe (hopefully) your parents will come around. Until then, hang in there. (*hug*)
As a survivor of childhood abuse, the part were you mentioned they tell you your selfish and threatening to abandon you struck a cord. What your parents are doing is abuseive. I grew up hearing that I was selfish, a brat, a bitch, and that was why I was being punished. That is what all abusers say to justify what they are doing. Please understand that what they are saying is not you, it has nothing to do with who you are, it's about who they are. If there is another relative you trust, or someway to get out of the situation you are in I urge you to do it. Not run away, but call CPS and get out of there. If your dad was violent with you there's no way for you to know that he won't be again. One slip up in secret messaging is all it would take. CPS may also be able to counsel your family so that living with them is safe. It's a very hard choice to make, and it difficult to go through. But try to imagine if what you are going through happened to someone else, would you see it as abuse? What would you do about it?
