How do you take a compliment about your looks? I know that seems silly, but I'm a bigger "bear type" (translation fat and hairy, at least in my case) guy and typically work from the perspective that there are turds with more sex appeal than me. So when someone says I'm hot, I tend to give a strange reaction or weird look (and have even offended some people before, presumably for questioning their taste). Hell, even when I try a simple thank you it comes across as very awkward. Is there a polite way to say "I know I'm ugly as a mud fence, but thank you for trying to be nice." or "I'm having a hard time believing someone as hot as you would find someone like me attractive."
You should realize that somebody might really find you attractive and say "thank you". Everybody has different tastes and just because you don't think that you are the most handsome guy in the world doesn't mean somebody else doesn't! So smile and say thanks!
Hi there! As Becky mentioned, just say thank you. I am sure if someone comes up to you and says to you that I find you attractive there is a part of you that feels happy. Rather than having a strange reaction, if someone says to you 'I find you attractive', start a conversation with that person. Don't talk yourself down. Even though you might not find yourself attractive others will. Remember we all come in different shapes and sizes, and you will run into people who will find you attractive. Does it matter that you are (to use your words) 'fat' and 'hairy'? Nope! Try to embrace yourself for who you are. If there are things that you would like to change you can try doing that. You could try going to the gym or doing some other activities. That said, and what is a lot more important at the end of the day is that you accept yourself for who you are and the way you look.
Yeah, like I thought, stupid question. The thing is, that I spent years getting used to taking an insult or joke about my looks well, but the whole getting complimented is new to me. I know that smiling and saying thank you is the obvious solution, but it still feels weird when I do it (maybe it's just me, but it does). As for changing my looks, I work out to stay healthy, but other than that I'm pretty comfortable in my body (except for the whole being gay thing) even if this posts makes it seem otherwise. I guess to put it another way. I got very comfortable with thinking I was the ugliest person in the room, and I'm having a hard time moving past that. And yes, I'm aware that I'm digging the stupid hole deeper each time I try and justify this hang up.
Yeah, totally agree with Becky and Asteroid. When I was a child I remember some of the older members of my family had a favourite saying that was "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". We all have differing views on what maked good art, right? The same goes for looks. Art is a visual medium, as is looks. There definately are lots of people who find you perfectly attractive. You shouldn't try to 'disillusion' them, enjoy the compliment and the moment instead. I know all too well how difficult it can be if you don't have very high confidence in your appearance, but we really are so often guilty of looking at ourselves with a far more critical viewpoint compared to how others perceive us. If someone pays you a compliment, don't knock it - embrace it!
I never know how to take compliments either! I think everyone has different opinions of themselves than other people so just smile, say thanks, compliment them back. Sometimes you could just laugh a little, say "well thanks, dont see it myself but ok" as long as you smile its fine. Try to not do the awkward grimace face like or a shocked one or anything. Act confident in yourself and you'll soon get used to the compliments. Besides there's always someone who will find what you look like attractive, not everyone likes the same things. I'm sure you're a very attractive guy though so I wouldnt worry
Not a stupid question at all. I have a lot of trouble taking compliments because I never think the person means it. Something like "If you're serious, thanks" tends to work for me.
I can't take a compliment,either. I usually joke about it. i.e.- " you have cataracts,huh?" I'm heavy,(not hairy,though!) so compliments are hard to believe. I guess we should all learn to say "thanks" and leave it at that.
I can't take compliments whatsoever. It's getting more difficult seeing as (so i'm told) 'getting more attractive by the day' LMAO. :') I always reckon the people complimenting me are using sarcasm or something. But recently I've come to just accept them or deny their claim.
Chances are you're not as ugly as a mud fence. The body type you describe actually turns me on, even though society tries to put forth an "ideal body type" that is unattainable and stupid. As long as you're healthy, why worry about how that health is packaged? Try to see what about you looks good. That way you can understand why others think you're attractive. Personally, I dislike my complexion and my emaciated figure, but I have nice hair and eyes and I have a cleft in my chin!
If you don't like that sort of attention on yourself, throw it back at them. Thanks!, I like your shirt/eyes/necklace/hat/shoes/pen/anything/pants, where'd you get it?
Howdy! Not to sound harsh, but I think it is time that you change that. You are not ugly. No one is! If someone comes up to you and says 'hey I find you attractive" try to use that to start changing your own perceptions about yourself. Yes, it can take a while but if you really give it a try, you will be able to start changing it slowly. It might be worthwhile to see a counselor/therapist to talk about your sexual identity and start the process of becoming more comfortable with yourself. In some ways these two things are related. If you are comfortable with your sexual identity and secure in who you are as a person, that will also allow you to see yourself differently. Often our behavior is the result of something that we are trying to hide, something that we try not to talk about. If someone complements you, part of you might be getting fearful that you might say something that will give your sexual identity away. I think it would be a good idea if you would start learning to accept your sexual identity fully. As you do that, and become more comfortable with yourself, you might see a change in your perception about yourself too. Hope this helps a bit!
Your coping mechanism (having gotten used to being "the ugliest person in the room") is what's tripping you up. It's a totally understandable thing to have developed but because it's obviously not true (there's always someone better looking and worse looking than we are), it'll cause you the issues you're discussing. Trying to deal with low self-esteem by convincing yourself that you actually are worthless definitely serves a protective function (like people who always diss themselves before anyone else can) but it does tend to fall apart when you have to face up to the fact that no, not everyone is attracted to hairless, sub-20, mesomorph or skinnier blond white twinks. However weird it feels, when someone gives you a compliment, the proper response is "Thanks, that's nice of you to say." You don't have to believe it--you can think it's nutty--but sincere compliments deserve to be honoured. Plus blushing is cute, which is often what happens when we get embarrassed when someone pays us a nice compliment. For instance, years ago the wife of my then-boss told me I looked like Leonardo DiCaprio circa Titanic. I thought she was mad but if you step back and think about it, that's a pretty nice thing to say to someone. So I said something like, "Oh no really, you think so? That's very nice of you to say." I don't think it's very accurate but it's definitely something I'll always remember. I know it can be hard to have true self-esteem based in reality (as opposed to an artificially low or high sense of one's self) but it sounds like you already have the building blocks there when you talk about being comfortable with yourself. It's possible to recognize one is not likely to appear on the cover of teen idol magazines without having to resort to believing yourself to be unattractive. It's super-important to remember that what is touted by the mainstream as "beautiful" is a very, very narrow depiction of the variety of how human beings look. So... basically it all boils down to "ease up on yourself."
Yeah, it does seem that perhaps one of my problems is that I'm a little too hung up on what is traditionally considered attractive. Which is ironic, as I have pretty broad tastes and have found people to be attractive who are hardly conventional at all so you'd think I would know better. I will always hate my dimples though. Without a beard I have such a damn baby face because of them.
I'm the same way: I'm at times painfully aware of what is and isn't conventionally attractive even though I'm often attracted to people who definitely wouldn't, as I often say, end up on the cover of magazines.
i tend to do that. i cant believe people when they say im cute. even when people on here say it i think they are lying.
