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Coming out to parents - positive thoughts, please

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by driedroses, Jan 17, 2016.

  1. driedroses

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    I'm having lunch with my parents this afternoon, with the intent to let them know I'm bisexual and dating a woman. They are, in my experience, incredibly homophobic, but there are a few LGBT members of my family in the younger generation and I feel like it is time for someone to stand up for us. I will not out the kids, the point is to protect them from the negative reactions by taking the brunt on myself and allowing them the space to make their own decisions about coming out to their grandparents.

    Anyway, even at forty-one, even though I haven't lived with my parents in twenty years, even though they have no say over my day-to-day life, I'm still anxious and fearful of their response.

    Thanks for reading; I'll update later.
     
  2. headsup1958

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    Positive thoughts sent your way! Good luck and let us know how you fared.
     
  3. csm123

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    Good luck
     
  4. xenu

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    You will definitely be in my thoughts, I may be going through something similar before too much longer. Please keep us informed regardless of the reaction.
     
  5. Jay Dinosaur

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  6. Bluesteel

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    Fingers crossed, good luck
     
  7. driedroses

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    Hey, thanks for all the responses.

    My mom told me that she will not be able to associate with me any longer. Of course, it was much more emotional than that - on my end. Her emotional response was anger and hatred.

    My dad, while not reassuring and supportive, is obviously struggling to be accepting. I'm not sure how that will play out in the long term, since they are still married, but it's a start.

    The worst part is that I learned that my brother took it upon himself to out the kids to my parents. I have no idea how he even knew about my kid, but apparently he did. So, now there's that. My kid is more or less ok; my niece, however, is incredibly hurt. And her mom is beyond pissed, of course.

    So, a lot of drama, which I expected. I will say that I am incredibly lucky because I have two "mothers" who love me regardless and a great support system in general. That doesn't make it easier, but it makes it possible.

    Best of luck to everyone who is still struggling. I have found some real peace in releasing that burden.
     
  8. xenu

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    While there's not much good news here, it went about as you expected for the most part. At least your father is making an effort. As for your brother, what on earth compelled him to do that? I think you, his wife, and he need to sit down and have a serious discussion about life in the closet and what it entails. Im glad your own kid is ok, but your niece could be seriously scarred from this. I mean, unless he's like your parents, I just cannot imagine what he was thinking. Feel free to come back and update.
     
  9. Cort

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    I glad that you worked up the courage to tell your parents, despite the fact that their reactions were poorly chosen (especially your mother’s…).

    I think you may find that your mother won’t be able to keep up the “non-association” for as long as she may have initially thought. It’s easy for people to let their emotions do the talking for them. It may well be the case that when she calms down the more rational side of her will prevail. Either way, as long as you don’t return her vitriol with vitriol, you can at least take peace in knowing that you don’t have to hide a major part of your life from your parents any more.

    I’m sorry to hear that your brother did such a hurtful thing. Even if his intentions were bad (and it sure sounds like there were…), at least there aren’t any more secrets weighing on you. Secrets suck too much energy out of life.