I need help... depressed and young

I'm really depressed right now. I cry myself to sleep every night because I can't deal with my body. I write letters frequently, wanting to give them to my mom but always chickening out. I hate my hips, not being able to walk into the bathroom that I should. I hate my chest, and they way people tell me I'm a girl. I'm not. It sucks. Dysphoria hurts so much. I'm an atheist, but I've gotten to the point where when I have breakdowns I will silently sob and pray for help. It's gotten so bad that I hope god is real because I need so much help feeling comfortable with myself. Where some people will marvel at Kim Kardashian's body and want it, I marvel at the people who haven't been hit by the harshness of puberty yet. It's one thing to be gay. It's another thing to be trans. But to be both sucks so much. I can't stand it. I dream of being accepted as a boy and going to homecoming in freshman year with another guy. I need help coming out. I've written a letter, I'm planning to send it by email to my mom today. Currently she is about 4 hours by car away so it'll give her time to think about it by the time she gets home. Please give me feedback on it.

I've been trying to work up the courage to tell you this in person. And there have been plenty of times that I could've told you, when we were alone in the house or in the car or something. But I could never actually do it. So now I will. And don't think that just because I can't tell you this in person doesn't mean I'm any less comfortable with you. I'm just uncomfortable with myself.

I've never felt like a girl. Ever since I started wearing boys clothes I felt more comfortable with who I was, but I'm even with a haircut I'm not anymore, because something is still missing. I've always hung out with the guys, got along with them better, they treated me like a guy and it felt good. I never fit in with the rest of the girls, and although I was friends with some of them, I didn't connect with them the same way. So I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that I feel like a boy. You probably didn't want to hear it. You probably wanted to hear that I was growing out of the "phase" and that I was going to be just like Kira. But I'm not going to be. I'm going to be who I am.

There's this condition called gender dysphoria. Discomfort with the gender assigned at birth. I have dysphoria in the sense that I am uncomfortable with my chest. I don't want anyone to see anything through my shirt. And I'm uncomfortable with my hips. I look at the kids at school and wish my body was as straight as theirs. I don't have a "V" shape, I have a sort of "hourglass" shape. The only thing that would fix this dysphoria in my chest is something called a chest binder. It's basically a compression shirt that makes the chest flat. And I want it so badly. I trust you, mom. I trust that you will be accepting of me, as you have been for the longest time I can remember. I need your support. Even just pressing the send button is probably going to take a lot of time for me to feel brave enough to do.*

I love you so much, and I won't change according to society's "rules". I trust that I don't have to resist your "rules" either. I'm here if you want to talk.

 

She replied!!! I'm scared of whether reaction will be in real life but it feels good. She said this:
*Birthname* you know I will always love you. Thank you for telling me this. I think this is a really complicated thing and so I'm not going to give you a detailed response by email, we'll find a time to talk about it in person when I'm back but know that I will help you in any way I can. I wanted to send a quick response so you know I saw this and it's going to be okay.(!)