So I want to come out to someone who I am attracted to and who I think may be attracted to me. I don't think he is a homophobe but he may be uncomfortable with it. I want to tell him in hopes he may come out to me as well. But I don't want him to think I am attracted to him unless I know he isn't straight (my best guess is bi) we do a lot of gay joking around morso then with with most of my friends but they may just be jokes. Does anyone have any advice? We aren't close but we do talk a lot in school and on Xbox. But neither of us has pushed for much more
I would just come out to him and leave it at that unless your friend wants to take it further. Just say you're bi and let him say anything he wants in response. While I don't know This person or you, I was in a near identical situation with the first person I ever came out to. I just flat out told him my true orientation and left it at that. He's also possibly bi and possibly attracted to me as well but I never took it further. Just don't purposely push your friend into coming out or into telling any potential feelings he has for you, let him do that on his own time. Unless you've been dropping hints that you're attracted to him, I doubt he'd just jump to that conclusion and start. As for the homophobic part, you just never know if someone truly is unless they flat out act homophobic around you, and even then you may seem surprised. I have come out to people who I for sure thought would react overly negatively about it but found them to be completely accepting.
It’s a paradox, isn’t it? You don’t want him to know you aren’t straight unless you’re certain he’s not straight. At the same time, if he isn’t straight, he’s probably thinking the exact same thing. As a result, no one says anything! I think this paradox plays out over and over again for lots of people. You can break out of it by just coming clean. If’s he isn’t straight, he’ll be more likely to tell you. If he is straight, at least you’ll know and won’t have to constantly be dancing around the issue anymore. What if you tell him and he reacts poorly – i.e. wants nothing to do with you? That would reflect more on his character than yours. There’s no point in pretending to be someone you’re not just so that you can be friends with someone who wouldn’t ever accept the real you. It takes way to much energy to wear a mask like that all the time. Good luck.
I agree with Cort. Oftentimes, LGBT people are more comfortable being around people who they know are similar to them. In fact, the first people I came out to are bi. If all you do is joke with him, try to get closer to the guy first and start with being a friend. You could tell him if you feel comfortable telling him, but it's up to you. At this point, it seems like you need more concrete evidence that he isn't straight, so find this out without taking it too far.
Well over the past year of us being friends we have both hinted at it pretty heavily. I just don't have the balls to come clean. We are pretty good friends and from what I know he hasn't had a girlfriend and doesn't really talk about girls much in a serious way. ( he isn't socially awkward or anything ) also lots of girls hit on him. I don't know maybe I am overthinking it, I'm just really distrought over this cause if he reacts poorly and tells people it WOULD ruin my entire social life ( I am surrounded pretty much my homophobes )
