I have no one to talk to or anyone who understands me and I'm scared to reach out (offline) because my Parents will find out that my sexual Orientation isn't what they want it to be. I was sent to a Boarding School when i was younger where being Gay/Lesbian/Bi etc was shunned upon. I taught myself to suppress my feelings that i began to fall for their hateful words and began hating myself... I still do in a way. I really don't know how long i can continue trying to suppress myself before i either A) Have a complete Mental Breakdown or B) Harm myself worse than i have in the past. I'm even Anxious about opening up about this on a Anonymous Forum.
Remember, there's always someone who cares for you. If not your parents, your friends do, if they don't, there's always the internet. There are some places that you can always find someone who has your back. FYI, I'm sure your friends will accept you. If not, they're not friends worth having. You should never be surrounded by people whose opinions of you will change completely because of one thing which you have no control of. Here's an e-hug for moral support (*hug*)
Ontherocks – speaking as someone who is also skilled in the art of self-hatred and suppression, I can tell you that it’s a learned skill that can be unlearned. The very fact that you’re able to recognize the negative thoughts that are playing back in your mind is huge. The only way that self-hate can truly control you is if you try to ignore it. Once you’re recognizing what’s going on, you can start challenging limiting beliefs with questions. Anytime you’re feeling a hateful thought toward yourself, I would suggest you try asking some questions. For example… - What is my evidence for and against this line of thought? - Who put this thought into my head? Where did they get it from? What was their evidence? - Am I blaming myself for something that isn’t my fault? - Am I expecting myself to be something that I’m not? Am I expecting to be perfect? - Am I worried about who I should be instead of accepting and dealing with who I really am? Once you start asking questions and trying to answer them honestly, you might be surprised at how ridiculous the negative thoughts start to look! Best of luck.