Pretty Lost

Well, I definitely wouldn't recommend talking to your family without having some solid support in place first. If you have some close friends, in your city or elsewhere, who would be accepting of your sexuality, they might be the best people to discuss it with.

I'm afraid I don't have much experience showing my true self to the rest of the world, so I can't give any advice about that. But I hope things work out well for you.

 

Tell your closest friends first, the ones you absolutely trust.

Also like you did here, it could help to reach out to the lgbtq+ community. Not just for support, but for dating. You're still in the questioning stage and simple attraction won't be enough for an answer. Try dating girls, or if you don't want to call it dating, spend time with girls who you might have a romantic interest in or vice versa.

Hope this helps

 

I can relate entirely.

Looking back, I knew I was attracted to guys as early as the 7th grade. At the time, though, I never admitted it to anyone – including myself. I always pretended like it wasn’t really an “attraction” – just more of an admiration. I was always very careful never to label it as an attraction.

This continued all the way through college. It wasn’t until graduated and spent a year in “the real world” that I finally started to objectively take a close look at who I really was (and had always been). My only regret is that I didn’t start coming to grips with reality earlier.

It sounds like you grew up in a household where the idea of being attracted to the same sex wouldn’t have been well accepted. Growing up in an environment like that, it’s easy to talk yourself into thinking that your feelings towards the same sex are wrong, shameful, and flawed. One way to cope with the shame is to pretend that you’re someone you’re not. That path leads to depression, isolation, and emotional shutdown.

I know – because that’s what I did.

The very fact that you’re able to write it down is a huge step. Not only did you write it down, you posted in a forum! Writing it down was the first thing I did too – though in a private journal.

I don’t think you should feel obligated to tell any friends or family about it until you yourself have gotten a little more comfortable with it.

I got comfortable with myself by journaling, by reading forums such as this one, and by reading a few really good self-help books. I highly recommend John Bradshaw’s “Healing the Toxic Shame that Binds You” – absolutely loved that book.

You could also try attending a PFLAG meeting. I was skeptical (and scared to death) to attend a meeting – but I went and felt amazing afterwards.

Know that whatever you do, it’s going to have to be an intentional practice that you commit to. It takes years to internalize shame about yourself, so you can’t expect to unwind it all in one fell swoop. The key is to be constantly moving forward and to treat yourself with compassion throughout the process.

Good luck.

 

Oh, I can completely understand how you feel. I'm in the exact same boat. I can't tell my family either because of their strict religious beliefs. I'll probably never tell them because they already gay bash right in front of me and have for years. I have found that finding happiness in myself is the best medicine of all and trying not to worry about what other people think about me, that's what's truly important. It's hard to do because they're your family but at the end of the day your what matters. I hope that helps you.