Last night in work something very strange happened. 1 of my friends who I have known know for 3 years, is gay and married to her wife now for about a year. We were both on shift last night, and sending eachother random txts, (she knows im gay), and something happened. Basically I think she was testing the waters with us. She mentioned there was someone in work who she had a soft spot for, and could I guess who it was.....so after about 5 guesses, she said it was me!! I was pretty shocked and played it down saying 'your winding me up', and after about the 5th message saying it was me, she txt me saying, 'im only joking', followed a few txts later by 'Just out of curiosity, what would you have said if it was you?' I am soooo confused. I think she is adoreable, and if she was single there would be no issue, but its come right out of the blue and she's married. We work together and she is one of my biggest sources of support as im coming out slowly, so I dont want to lose the friendship, but I really dont know how to handle this situation now??? HELP!!!!!:help:
next time you see her, bring it up. find out if she is serious. then make sure she understands that nothing can come of it because of her marriage. that's a commitment that shouldn't be broken. maybe throw in that you're flattered but don't act on it. you don't want to break up a marriage.
This is a difficult situation, and similar to one I'm finding myself in! She may well like you, or perhaps she enjoys a bit of flirtation - I don't know. However, I think that the best thing for you to do is say something along the lines of (if you're still being "hypothetical" with each other) "Well I'd've said I was flattered and I think you're a really great friend, but you're with ---". Or even just at some point, when relevant, say something about having really strong morals or something when it comes to cheating and things (I've had to do this myself). I think that it is possible to save the friendship at this stage, as long as she doesn't come onto you again. - Although I do worry a little about her relationship, as really she shouldn't have been texting you like that. It may be that she's not intending anything to happen, but wants to be able to flirt a bit for the excitement, but for many that sort of flirting is also considered a form of cheating - so really I would try and avoid that too if possible. On the whole, at this stage I personally wouldn't make a big deal of it, but I would make it very clear that you're uncomfortable with this sort of thing. I mean, I personally wouldn't sit down and say "We've got to talk about this" or something, but if she tries something again, I would always refer back to her partner, or even (as I have said in the past) "I'm actually not comfortable with this" - this usually brings an apology, nervous laughter, and then back to normal. But, to be honest, I don't know the exact circumstances, but I would be very clear, but not go out of your way to make a big deal of it. I don't know if that makes any sense but I know what I mean in my head!
She might be flirting with you, she might just be joking around, but if she's married, it's not an option. If she starts sending that sort of text again, I'd bring up the fact that she's married, something like "married women are off-limits" or "the husband in the picture makes my decision for me".
