I am thinking about coming out, but I am not ready for things to change. I know people will judge me and make me feel like crap for coming out. I live in a very small town where everyone knows everything and are very judgmental. And my mom, I don't think that she will be accepting. All I have is my family and reputation. I really just need some advice about coming out.
Maybe you're just not ready yet? Is there anyone who you know is safe to tell? Have you 'tested the waters' with anyone?
I think the first question should be: How comfortable are you yourself with your orientation? How certain are you? How do you feel about yourself? How to do you view your orientation – do you see it as a natural thing, or as a bad or shameful thing? There’s no harm in waiting to come out to others until you’ve gotten your mind into a good place. You’ll need to be in a good place in order to withstand any pushback you may get when you first talk to others about it. If you do decide to tell people, know going into it that you can’t control how they will react. The only thing you can control is how you react to their reactions. If they react poorly – i.e. with harsh judgement, anger, resentment, etc. – the key is to stay calm and stay true to who you are. Acknowledge that they, like you, aren’t perfect and are capable to reacting to things in life emotionally rather than rationally. Don’t be angry at them for being human, and don’t take whatever they tell you personally. Anything hurtful they say is a reflection on them, not on you – never forget that. As long as you don’t return vitriol with vitriol, situations have a habit of disarming themselves. It’s hard for someone to continue being harsh and judgmental at someone who isn’t willing to get down into the pit and play that same game.
How old are you? Do you have any social support (supportive straight friends or gay friends)? Do you have an income?
