I posted my a plan to come out a couple days ago and since then my plan has fallen apart and I don't know what to do. The plan was to come out to my friend when my brother was working in France for a month and my parents were away for a night so that I won't be stressed. Now my brother isn't going to France and my parents ain't going away for a night and I don't know what to do. I've been planning this since a month ago but every thing as gone wrong. Then because everything gone wrong Iv start doubting myself. I'm going through the same question I ask myself a year ago. Like "are you sure you're gay" or " you don't act gay no one will believe you" or " your making this up". I don't know what do ? I'm soooooo stressed :bang::bang::bang:
If you have a total moment of clarity where you feel comfortable labeling yourself as Gay then it helps to look back to it when you're doubting. I often doubt my sexuality but then i look on my past and realise that it's who I am.
Dooey – I dealt with a lot of doubt before coming out as well. Anytime I would get close to telling someone or admitting it to myself, I would talk myself out of it using all sorts of rational – primarily, the fact that my behavior didn’t fit the mold. I didn’t look gay, I didn’t act gay, I hadn’t been in a gay relationship. How can I possibly be gay if my outward behaviors have never aligned with my internal feelings? So how do you overcome the doubt? How can you be more certain about who you are, so that you can feel more confident telling others? One concept that helped me was this: A lack of a behavior is itself a behavior. Instead of thinking about all the stuff you should be doing if you really are gay, try looking at all the stuff you should be doing if you really are straight. For example… - Have you ever dated a girl? Kissed them? - Have you ever even been interested in dating a girl – outside of pressure from others and a desire to want to fit in? - Do you feel comfortable around other guys? Or do you feel awkward and guarded around them? - Would changing your clothes in a gym locker room be something you wouldn’t even give a second thought about, or would it for some reason induce massive anxiety? - Do you catch yourself “ogling” certain girls without even thinking about it? Or do certain guys tend to grab your glances more easily? The point isn’t that your answer to these questions will prove whether or not you’re gay. The point is that, when collecting and weighing evidence, you need to be very careful about how you evaluate behaviors and always try to look at them from different perspectives. And lastly – relax! You don’t have to tell anyone unless you want to. There is no rule about when you have to tell someone, who you have to tell, or how you have to tell them. It's your life, and you get to decide the rules.
Thanks dapat and cort for replying Both of your advice really help. When I start working myself up I start to doubt myself and the advice that you've given me help me put things into perspective. Especially "A lack of a behavior is itself a behavior" and "feel comfortable labeling yourself as Gay then it helps to look back to it when you're doubting". They both really help me today. I can't thank the both of you enough. This advice really help me today (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
