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Need help, how do I come out to my best friend of 8 years???

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MayaBee, Jan 23, 2016.

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  1. MayaBee

    MayaBee
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    I am 100% ready to come out and I have yet come out to 2 very lovely friends and someone I know from the internet, but who is very close to me. Now, I would like to tell all people around me, not in a "hey I am gay!" way, but more in a "I casually drop it in a conversation" style, since I feel like coming out shouldnt be something special(I dont mean it is bad, but I mean it like straight people dont have to come out, so why should I? and sure it is more important for one self to close people, this applies to me as well, but I am talking with this about schoolfriends etc).
    I would have to problem with them knowing, except that I want to tell my best friend of 8 years first, since she is very close to me and I dont want to "betray" her by telling everyone except her.
    Coming out to her is just somehow really really hard. I dont know why. I have made so many tries so do it, but I couldnt convince myself to do so. I have told her about a girl online that comes to the premiere of my musical to meet me but couldnt tell her that I have a crush on that girl.
    So, do you have any ideas how I could tell her? An information you maybe need is that we have a lot going on in school right now so there is no chance of meeting after school, and after the exams are over, we both have someone from russia coming to live with us, and then we dont have much time either. I could tell her via text since she doesnt see that as something bad, for example a friend has told her that she was bolemic via text and she was the first to know, so maybe that would be an idea?
     
    #1 MayaBee, Jan 23, 2016
  2. Gomez

    Gomez
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    I have been in this situation before. I was with my best friend and mentioned my relationship troubles, how I couldn't seem to connect with men, etc. I said that the last time I had feelings for someone, she went and got married! Bestie said, "she?" and I said, "yeah, she!" And that was that.

    The next day I texted her saying I was having something of a sexual identity crisis, that I suspected I'm a lot gayer than I thought it was. She just laughed and said "that's nothing to worry over. You're just discovering new things about yourself!"

    That's how I came out to my best friend. Perhaps you could do something like that? Make the leap and mention a crush you've had on a girl? It can be veeerry difficult to get over that last hurdle, but worth it. Conversations flow so much easier when you don't have to skirt over the things (or people, in this case!) that you're into.
     
    #2 Gomez, Jan 23, 2016
  3. NateC7

    NateC7
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    Well you've already told her about the girl online, so why don't you go ahead and say you have a crush on said girl. It might be a little easier than straight up saying that you're into girls. Plus if she's been your best friend for eight years then she knows you pretty well to this point so she's probably really trustworthy. That's just my speculation though. Hope it helps some :slight_smile:
     
    #3 NateC7, Jan 23, 2016
  4. Cort

    Cort
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    Given that the two of you have been best friends for so long, I wouldn’t worry so much about coming up with a creative way to tell her. I think you’re overthinking it.

    Surely, at some point, the two of you have discussed romantic interests in others over those eight years, right? It’s normal for best friends to bounce ideas off of each and to look for advice from each other.

    Given that you’ve currently got a crush on someone, you’ve got the perfect excuse to bring up the topic of your orientation.

    Maybe you could try broaching the topic in the form of an advice seeking question?

    “Hey best friend – I met this really amazing girl online and I’ve totally got a crush on her. What are your thoughts? How best should I approach this new person? What should I watch out for in terms of red flags?”

    Advice seeking questions are an interesting way to tell people because rather than just making a statement that the other person could just blow off or stop talking about, you’re instead sparking off a back and forth conversation that could serve to get both of you more comfortable talking about it openly.

    Just my two cents.
     
    #4 Cort, Jan 23, 2016
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