Hi guys, I've just come out as bi-sexual, but I feel completely helpless. I'm not sure why but that's how I feel. I've already written some posts about my husband encouraging me, but I still feel helpless. I've also written some posts where my husband sort of makes me feel like crap about it(that's not his fault). My husband and I have resolved those issues (we have a good marriage and he's so great) but I just feel so mixed up inside. This is such a big deal to me (coming out as bi) and I don't know if I'm making too much of a big deal and need to calm down or what. I think of all the LGBT people and I know and think of all their strength and courage, and then I think of myself and see nothing but weakness there. I have a gay sister in law and I'm afraid to even talk to her about it. You would think she'd be the perfect person to go to for support and encouragement. I could talk to her in person too. I feel like I'm just hiding. I had a situation with my biological sister where I told her some personal things about my marriage that was about my sexual orientation and activities we engage in (my husband taking me to places where I could meet and flirt with women) and I let her bash my husband and me (this was before I came out to my husband, but he probably already knew I was bi) I was too afraid to stand up to her. I also made a post that I didn't know how to make friends on the site because I just don't feel confident in myself enough to do it (I did make one friend). I just don't know what to do to help myself out. Any encouraging words?
Escallan – I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through such a tough time. My advice would be to start ignoring your inner critic. Everybody has an inner critic – that voice in your head that says things like: - You’re weak! - You’re not good enough! - You’re a coward! - You’re a bad person! - You’ve got no guts! - Others are so much more capable than you! - You don’t deserve friendship and love from others! Just because your inner critic is screaming these hurtful statements at you doesn’t mean that you have to eat them up. You can shut the critic down, reject the critic’s comments, and replace the critic’s disempowering statements with more empowering ones. How? The first step is to acknowledge that your inner critic isn’t “you” – it’s a fabrication. It’s something that was born out of fear and has survived and thrived because you’ve come to identify with it. The next step is to decide that you are not your inner critic and that you refuse to associate with her. The relationship was fine while it lasted, but now it’s over. You’re done indulging her hateful bile. Next, you need to be mindful and listen to your thoughts. Anytime your thoughts start turning negative, STOP! Take a pause. Recognize what’s happening – your critic is trying to weasel its way back in. Tell her she is no longer welcome. Slam the door in her face and lock the deadbolt. Eventually, the critic will take a clue and realize that you mean business. With the critic no longer consuming your life, you can start focusing your energies towards more constructive thoughts and pursuits. Just remember: You are enough just as you are.
There's definitely nothing wrong with being afraid, it's only natural. It was wrong of your sister to bash you and your husband, it's best not to listen to people like that!! I'm not sure what to tell you to gain confidence in this matter, because confidence often grows with time - So take your time. Do what you feel comfortable with. Just remember you're not the only person in that situation, there's a lot of people dealing with insecurity and anxiety because of sexual orientation stuff. Find more people that support you (like your husband!) and you'll notice how you get more confident in no time
Thank you for you love and support. It's definitely helped me a lot. I feel a lot better today than I did yesterday. I know I'm not alone in all of this.
