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My problem, and my story- any advice?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by John W, Jan 24, 2016.

  1. John W

    Regular Member

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    Ok, I guess I should start at the start.
    For as long as I can remember, I've had crushes on guys and girls too. My feelings for guys were always much stronger, but although I haven't grown up in an environment with homophobic adults, I was never exposed as a child to anything to do with same-sex relationships. Except for my peers. I don't mean that any of them had same sex relationships, quite the opposite. From the first time I heard the word 'gay' it was six months before I knew what it really meant, and five years on top of that before I heard it used in a way that wasn't derogatory. Because of this, whenever I had romantic feelings for boys, I learned to interpret it as just liking them very strongly in a platonic sense, and any sexual attraction or thoughts for boys I pushed away. I've never been religious, but the fact that I never heard an adult mention homosexuality, and all my knowledge of it was from people teasing each other on the playground, I still saw it as wrong. I convinced myself that I could stop myself from feeling this way if I tried, so I buried it deep.
    Fast forward to secondary school (which I've now been at for nearly 3 years. And I'm also a boarder.), on the very first day I meet this guy. We get along great, he immediately becomes my best mate and we stick to each other like glue. And I start getting those feelings again, as usual I bury it and pretend it's platonic. And it was all fine until the end of our first year. That's when he told me: 'I'm bisexual'. I knew I was attracted to him, more than anyone else ever, as much as I tried to push it down, but I still didn't let it show. I tried to be everything he's probably hoped for when he decided to come out to be: I helped him out, tried to get him to be more confident with himself and happy with his sexuality and everything was fine for another year. We were still best friends, we were both in the first team for rugby, we're both very popular, good looking, reasonably clever, and I was having a great life. Then one Sunday last April, we were out in town having a drink. It was a beautiful day, warm, sunny, just the two of us, and it had been that way the whole morning, then it happened. We were chatting in the coffee place in town, we were the only customers. I'm halfway through my sentence and suddenly he leans in and kisses me. All the years of conditioning myself and trying to be straight just suddenly falls away in this one perfect moment, I know I'm completely in love and I knew if from the day i met him (fuck I'm crying as I write this :grin:) and now I'm kissing him. I knew then that I had always liked boys and always would, no matter how much I tried to hide it and that he was the one for me. (cute, right). In that one moment, I knew who I was and that it wasn't worth running away anymore.
    We've been together since then (last April) and things have gotten very serious, and the relationship couldn't have been in a better place until today. (We're still getting along fine and all-that's not the problem).
    We were in the park this morning. We thought we were the only students there, and we were kissing when suddenly a group of year threes (8th graders) walk past. What with the fact we had our eyes closed we didn't notice them. Not until the stones started hitting us. Once they saw exactly who we were they ran off (top team rugby has its perks), but I know for a fact based on a text I got from someone that already knew I liked guys (but didn't know that I was going out with this other guy), that those year threes told a load of people, and that basically the entire school knows by now. I'm just really scared of tomorrow because there are a lot of strongly homophobic people at our school, and even though I doubt anyone would dare try to bully us, I really worry that people just won't view us as the same two people ever again. That really terrifies me. Im scared of alienation rather than bullying here. I'm just wondering if anyone of you guys in the EC community has ever been outed and how you dealt with it. I just really don't know what I should do.
    Sorry for such a long post, I just needed to get everything off my chest.
    -JW
     
  2. Chloenatalie

    Regular Member

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    Hi. I'm sorry you were outed. But think who gives a fuck if people know just be the better person and ignore it or give them a good remark back. Good luck
     
  3. Gamer4now

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
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    A few people
    Wow, well welcome to EC!... Umm i somewhat disagree with Chloe if people are willing to hurt you (throwing stones) then you might want to put that into consideration. There are crazy people out there willing to do anything for their beliefs. Im not talking murder but you need to not listen to them. It might be hard but seriously you don't want to go back into a state of regret of being gay/bi, nor any mental trauma.
    Few tips- Stay with others (people you can trust)
    If any threats or something occur, ummm yeah you tell someone. Might be awkward to tell but im hoping the best for you.

    Hit me up on my wall if anything new happens Im here for ya.
     
  4. MaximusMike

    Regular Member

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    I'd definitely echo what Gamer4now said above, additionally, you might want to tell a trustworthy teacher (PDHPE teacher might be ideal, since the curriculum contains bullying and same-sex attraction issues - at least here in Australia, and since they probably like you and your boyfriend because of your sporting achievements), so that you have some possible protection from students who mightn't be so kind.

    If you try not to act scared (I'm sure being a rugby player that shouldn't be too hard), and you act confident in yourself, and show you are willing to stand up for yourself, your boyfriend and your sexuality, any might be bullies will probably be disheartened because they will realise they won't get a reaction out of you. I'd also suggest you tell your boyfriend to do something like this too, or to stay together so you can defend both of you.

    Anyway, congratulations on having such a wonderful relationship, and I hope I've helped a little, and that everything goes well for you!
     
  5. 1ring

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    I haven't gone through anything like you described but I think my advice would be to continue dating this guy because you obviously really really like him and that if anyone tries to harass or be rude to you tell someone of authority who can help, whether it's a teacher or a parent. Continue standing up for yourself and your relationship