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Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Blaz, Feb 5, 2009.

  1. Blaz

    Blaz Guest

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    Okay, at it's core, this is what is going on in the predicament I have gotten myself into.

    Thanks to EC/certain members/life experiences, I have become much more comfortable with who I am, and my sexuality. Although there are still things I need to sort out, I feel I have made great progress, and I am not afraid to dive in to fix those things as well.

    Here's the thing, I'm in college. In high school, I was planning to come out and be out, but that changed as soon as I got here and fell into an(it could wait predicament). Unfortunately, I feel as though my putting off my coming out has interfered with my social life. I hang out with friends, but that's it. I want to get involved with the LGBT center, the EC(Entertainment Council) on campus, and numerous other things, but I am afraid to.

    I have always wondered why I was afraid to do certain things, but truthfully, I feel it is because of a false projection onto the world by me. I am the most myself when I am around like me and when I let go of fears of being who I am. I am planning to get more involved though, but I feel like I am being dragged down by the closet.

    What hurts a lot as well is when I hang out with friends who have a "disliking but acceptance" type of approach to homosexuality. I hate lying to them, but I need to(as some of you know, I need a place to live next year and a few of the guys I'm living with aren't exactly gay-friendly).

    The main problem can be applied to the analogy of a caged bird. I want to get out, I want to be free, I want to be me, I want to find others like me. However, inside the bars is a place of security, a place of comfort(But I'm beginning to think, in a way, habit more than comfort), and a place to live.

    I want to be free, I want to destroy the fear, but I don't want to be stupid(Plus, I'm signed into a lease legally, and FYI, the guys are pretty cool, but I don't think it'd be best to be out to them so soon)

    Any advice is greatly appreciated:eusa_doh::help::bang::confused::icon_sad:
     
  2. silas99

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    Hey Blaz
    I'm not sure how much advice I can give on the matter being in the same predicament as yourself. Just like you I have a bunch of really close friends who are fantastic and we live together, and just like you they have a "disliking acceptance" to homosexuality. I know if I tell them they'll probably accept me but it will be different. So I guess maybe the first step is to come out at your LBGT club. They'll support you and wont divalge any closet secrets to any of your mates. Go to a couple of their meetings and then if you are feeling more comfortable get more involved in their less public events. I think they will help you find ways of telling your housemates if that's what you are after. It will also give you the opportunity to make new friends who will definitely be accepting to your sexuality. Then if you tell your housemates and things dont really work out the way you planned, you'll still have some mates at college to keep you entertained. OK so now I just need to follow my own advice....much easier said than done, especially in my profession. Keep at it mate and dont give upxxxx
     
  3. Endlessnight500

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    how old are you, i have scene your posts before and you seem older than a student in college. Also, you said you are being "dragged down by the closet." Honestly I think if you are being dragged down by the closet then you should come out of it. I think it is ashame to be ashamed of who you are. I understand how hard it is to come out of the closet to people who dont understand who and what you are. No matter what, from the posts i have seen from you, you seem like an amazing person. Anyone who tells you different doest actually realize the amazing guy you are.

    If you have "friends" who dont agree with, but accept homosexuality then maybe you should come out to them so that they see that you are the same person who they have grown to like, but you are a homosexual.

    It is so different veiwing a homosexual from the distance than it is knowing one for real. If you let people know who you really are then it is up to them to accept you or not. But make sure you make it clear that you are the same person they know, and became friends with, dont let them think that because they didnt know you were gay that they didnt knwo who you are.
     
  4. xequar

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    "Disliking but accepting" can change, and very likely will if you come out. Before I came out, some of my friends use to crack gay jokes and stuff, but they put an immediate stop to that when I came out. If these friends are good friends, then they'll do the same for you. As far as living with them NEXT year, well, come out this year. Come out soon. Come out now. It's only February, so you still have time to come up with housing plans for next year. Go to the LGBT things you were talking about and who know, maybe you'll make some new friends that you could live with if the others turn against you.

    And let me make this clear-if your current friends do turn against you, then they weren't true friends to start with. You possess the ability to make new friends. Those new friends can either be in suppliment to your current friends, or in replacement of your current friends. I'm not trying to sound glib about the potential of losing friends, but if the friends you have now turn out to be toxic after you come out, then you need to lose them.

    More likely, though, is that once you come out, they'll start to reassess how they behave toward gay people, and they'll cut out most of the crap.

    Good luck, and enjoy college! It's a glorious time, so take FULL advantage of it.
     
  5. Blaz

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    Thanks guys, I greatly appreciate the advice. In short time I'll visit the LGBT center, and hopefully I'll find people who I can relate to. The problem with the housing is that I'm locked in for next year, I have signed, and therefore, by law, responsible. I'm living with the guys no matter what now. Endlessnight500, thanks for the compliment. I agree though, that coming out not only to them, but others in my life, may have a great impact on the way many people view homosexuals. . .it'll take some work though, I think a step-by-step process is the best approach. . .
     
  6. Mickey

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    If your friends don't take you being gay well and you feel uncomfortable in your living
    situation,I would think that you could get out of the lease. Your school has a LGBT center,so I imagine that they're open to gay people and their problems. If,your worst fears are realized, then I'm sure you can get help with finding another place to live.
    Whatever you do,just be yourself. If people can't/won't handle it,that's their problem,not yours. But you won't know how it'll work out,if you stay in the closet. Good Luck!