Ok this might be long but I'd appreciate any input. I've only recently come to terms with this aspect of my life so how I feel may change, but right now I feel like I don't have many options and I'm pretty depressed about it. I should preface with some family history. My mum is highly religious and literally thinks that society started going downhill during the sexual revolution when the "traditional family unit was destroyed". So basically her opinion is that the gay movement is integral to everything that's wrong with the world and it's horrible child abuse for gay couples to raise children, it's sin etc. It's been hard enough having her accept that I'm an atheist and I don't think she'll ever fully accept it. Here's the other thing, I'm baby crazy, I really more than anything want to have a family and raise children. That's like, my biggest thing in life that I want. I know that if I get old and I've never done it I'll be really depressed and unable to live with myself. So here are my options: 1. Come out fully, find a nice girl, have children with her, have my mum think I'm a horrible child abuser and not really want to be involved in my life. 2. Settle for a guy, have children the convenient way, have my mum in my life, have the traditional family life BUT I'd have to have sex with him and I know from experience forcing yourself to have sex with men is such a chore and having to do it every day just slowly kills you inside. 3. Not have a family, be with girls and not tell my mum. Maybe I'd find love, maybe it would be enough? I don't know, I've never really experienced that due to this whole closet thing. 4. Find a nice gay guy in a similar situation who wants to lie forever, with whom I could reproduce (while I have a girlfriend and he has a boyfriend) and only have to have sex like once or twice to get pregnant, and then we can be each others beards forever. I mean a straight/bi guy could also do that as well but I don't see why they'd have the motivation if they're not needing to lie for the rest of their lives. But this option would involve so much lying and deceit and that would be really stressful! It would just be so hard to disappoint her because she's got a bit of a sad empty life and I'm all she really has. Also she'd blame herself, and her beliefs are so set in stone I don't think they're going to change. She doesn't hate gay people, but she thinks it's wrong, unnatural and unhealthy and sinful and harmful to society as a whole. I also worry the rest of the family would make fun of her because she raised me to be all good and christian and I turned out so opposite. I love her and I want her to be happy. Idk, any other options? Can a person live in the closet forever? How good is it when you just choose to be yourself at risk of rejection? Is it really worth it? Any input would be greatly appreciated!
It honestly sounds like an open relationship with a bisexual guy might be what you are looking for. I would definitely stay out of his way when he turns to others for sex, but worry that might bring its own problems. The thing is, he's obviously going to have his own wants, which include the emotional as well as sexual side of a relationship, that you are not going to meet. This will make it difficult to keep him around, especially given that other partners might make a better offer. Alternately, there's no way said guy will agree to celibacy. The more I think about this, if you really don't want your mother to know, a gay guy with similar desires is pretty much mandatory. Are you absolutely positive about staying in the closet? You definitely have some conflicting priorities here, and some of them are going to lose out. Only you can decide which.
Thank you that was really helpful. I'm not positive at this point because it's one of those situations where you can't be sure how it will turn out, what will be more worth it, and it's also one of those things you can't really go back from. Once people know, they know. I guess I should try and find some stories of other people with highly religious parents and how it went for them. It was easier lying to myself! I can't believe I opened this pandora's box! Now it's going to be so hard to go back if that's what I decide to do. I'm such a wuss
It is hard. That is the truth unfortunately. But you aren't a wuss for thinking so, so don't think you are one. I have a religious family too. I'd like to think we're open and modern, but not so much when you've got almost both feet in the traditional pit lol. So I totally get where you're coming from. If it helps any, my plan personally for me, is to move out, get a job, have a few relationships, be confident about it, explore myself, find myself completely and then I'll come out to my parents. It's inevitable to me at a point since I'd like to have a healthy relationship if possible with my parents forever. I can't not have them in my life, but I'd like to have it while they support me for who I am putting their "bias" if any aside. (*hug*)
